Jerry Springer appeared on Good Morning America today to unveil the new cast of Dancing with the Stars, ABC's hit reality competition that gives la crème de la D-list crème one more shot at foxtrotting their way back into America's hearts. This season, producers have amassed arguably the most illustrious group yet of besequined washouts to grace those polished floors with their varying degrees of technical skill, culled from worlds as disparate as professional sports and Beatle-marrying famewhoredom, with the requisite former boy-band members, pageant queens, and stars of Beverly Hills 90210 thrown in for good measure:
Laila Ali — Daughter of Muhammad Ali, retired boxer. Billy Ray Cyrus — Best known for his 1992 hit, "Achy Breaky Heart." Heather Mills — Separated from singer and songwriter Paul McCartney. Clyde Drexler — Former shooting guard for the Houston Rockets. Joey Fatone — Member of 'N Sync. Shandi Finnessey — Won the Miss USA pageant in 2004
Leeza Gibbons — Entertainment Tonight, Leeza. Paulina Porizkova — '80s supermodel. Ian Ziering — Beverly Hills 90210's affable Steve Sanders. Vincent Pastore — "Big Pussy" Bonpensiero on The Sopranos. Apolo Anton Ohno — Olympic speed skater.
Among the exciting firsts this season, Mills is the only celebrity amputee to compete, which led Springer to already crown her "sentimental favorite" before even a single routine has been performed. As her disability gives her an understandable, if somewhat unfair, advantage over the other contestants, we can only hope ultra-competitive Ian Ziering doesn't "accidentally" swing his forearm into the path of a rotary saw in the days leading up to the premiere, all in the name of scoring the extra stumpathy he'll need from the judges to guarantee it's he who hoists the disco-ball trophy high above his head come the series finale.