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  • Remember when Michael 'Kramer' Richards' spokesman tried to pull the old "he can't be an anti-Semite because he's Jewish?" thing? Turns out Richards just "feels" Jewish — his 'rents weren't, and he never converted. Also, he's a Freemason. Stay away from the Ambien, ok, Michael? [R&M]
  • Drunk-ass (in spite of all those AA meetings!) Lindsay Lohan made a fool of herself repeatedly at the GQ Men of The Year Dinner, prompting Al Gore and Will Ferrell to laugh at her behind her back like catty cheerleaders. We don't care if it's at least 98% fiction — at least that last part has to be one of the most glorious Page Six moments of all time. Seriously, imagine Will Ferrell saying "Who cares about that freak anymore, anyway?" Z-snap!! [Page Six]
  • Speaking of LiLo, her publicist fired back at the evil, evil Media for mocking Lindsay's hastily Blackberried Altman condolences. "It was written very quickly," Leslie Sloane Zelnick said in a statement. We're finding that explanation . . . INADEQUITE! (Yes, we stole that from a commenter) [Defamer]
  • Washed-up Full House actress Jodie Sweetin was turned away from picky, picky Hyde nightclub. Come on, guys, it was Meth Awareness Day! [TMZ]
  • Eva Longoria and Tony Parker are engagedzzzzzzzz. [People]
  • Leathery-faced Jay McInerney and rich lady Anne Hearst eloped, even though their planned wedding was only 9 days away. "So in love that they couldn't wait!" say R&M. "Some sort of tax thing that we're too poor to know about!" says us. [R&M, 2nd item]
  • Reese Witherspoon doesn't want anyone taking camera phone photos of her making out with Jake Gyllenhaal. [A Socialite's Life]
  • Madonna is being nice and going along with an investigation of her Malawian adoption, just like she's legally obligated to. [FemLive]