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Now that we've been given permission to use the word "douchebag" again, we figure it's time to enlist a new member into our Hall of Fame. Today's inductee will go on the rolls as Anonymous Swinging Douchebag (a.k.a. Johnny Massengill) until someone out there is able to identify him. He comes to us from the pages of Craigslist, and combines the orderliness of Lucy Gao with the sexual stamina of Peter Chung. Join us after the jump for the entire, horrifying thing.


I have a 1,300 sq ft apartment. 2 bedrooms, living room, 1 big bathroom, large kitchen/dining area and a long hallway with 4 medium sized closets! Please read entire ad before replying blindly. If your response seems like a a generic reply to every rooming ad on CL. You WILL NOT be getting a reply from me. I am looking for a very specific type of roomate.

I've just made a significant career move for far less money but a infinitely better situation, so I need some additional help making rent at $2,875 a month. I am charging only $1,025 for the second room and full use of the house. The room is pretty big by new York city standards - 16 feet by 13.5 feet with 12 foot ceilings. There are NO closets in your bedroom. But — there are 4 closets in the hallway, 3 of which you can have. For some reason, my bedroom was built with two large closets, so I won't miss the others. Kitchen is also very nice, all new stainless steel appliances (well, relatively new, they were new a year ago).

The apartment is on the 3rd floor of the building. There is only one NEW but aggravatingly slow elevator. So I tend to use the stairs, you probably will too.

This apartment is only a few blocks from the A, C, E, 1, and 9 stops. I'm looking for a one year comittment on the apartment. I will be asking for a month's security deposit and first month's rent to move in. That's $2,050 total.

No smokers, no pets. If you're quitting smoking - quit first before replying.

Okay - too good to be true? Here's the catch — I'm an active swinger, 33 y/o with a rather open sexual lifestyle with many partners. I'm am straight. My bedroom is enormous and is the size of most one bedroom apartments in NYC, so most of the play is confined to that space. I have lovers over almost every weekend - usually Friday and Saturday nights. Ocassionally during the week as well. Sometimes they are group sex scenarios. Not for the faint of heart. Or the religious right.

I will emphasize. I am looking for only a responsible clean roommate — NOT another lover, I have enough of them. I am not interested in crossing the line with a roommate. You however, will have to be open-minded and tolerant of my lifestyle. I realize even for the most progressive New Yorkers, some might take issue with this, so I'm putting it all out there in the ad so there are no surprises down the road. I don't smoke, the music is rarely too loud and I don't do drugs — but I have a pretty active social life. I have a handful of regular girlfriends and many temporary lovers, so you must be okay with that. Thankfully for my new roommate, your bedroom is at the far end of the hall almost 70 feet away, so this will not be in your face.

Unlike so many ads here, I care about the roomate I'll be living with. Not looking to be a new best freind. But, am looking for someone who I'm comfortable hanging out with in the house, either in the living room, watching movies or in the dining area/kitchen. My lifestyle is a fraction of who I am. I'm a world class athelete, a former U.N disaster response field director in Micronesia, a studio musician (bass), a part time model as well as a technology consultant. You wear a lot of hats in NYC. I'm pretty laidback and fun to be around I don't want to feel like a stranger is living under my roof.

You must have a verifiable fulltime job and be able to prove with financial statements that you are earning enough to cover your rent.

We will split utilities which rarely ever runs over $100 per month. I have a professionaly cleaning woman come in once a month for $110 dollars. You will also split that once monthly fee. I have digital cable with all pay channels which I'll throw into the price of rent. The room is set up for a phone lines and Cable modem if you want. It gets great cell phone reception though, so you may not need a landline. The room gets decent but not great sunlight, stays warm in the winter. It comes with a 9000 btu AC that's one summer old. It has a Queen Size bed in it, which I'm happy to give my new roommate or throw it out if they have their own bed. The room is recently painted a light beige with one wall brickface, but you may repaint it at your own expense if you like. The room is freakishly quiet for New York. You might not know you're in the city.

If you have a Myspace or other social networking page. Attach it if you like, if you feel gives a more indepth summary of you. If not, try and give me a sense of who you are. Not a two sentence, "I want to see you place, when can I come by?"

I will be showing it starting this Sunday at noon and evenings during the week from 7-9pm. I expect to have it rented out by the following weekend. So if you're serious about an apartment for a December 1st move in (or earlier), this may be it.

$1025 Very nice 2 bedroom, Doorman building (Greenwich Village) [Craigslist]