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We like to think that we're pretty much unshockable — especially when it comes to, say, Fox News. But prepare to have not just your socks knocked off, but also your feet, legs, groin, and thorax. Infamous hatepreacher Fred Phelps — the guy whose congregation of lunatics routinely pickets the funerals of gays, soldiers, miners, or pretty much anyone dead — has threatened to picket today's funerals for four of the five Amish girls murdered in Pennsylvania on Monday. Phelps's daughter, Shirley Phelps-Roper, explained thusly:

"Those Amish people, everyone is sitting around talking about those poor little girls — blah, blah, blah — they brought the wrath upon themselves," Phelps-Roper said, adding that the Amish "don't serve God, they serve themselves."

Rather than the simple Witness-style response-beating this situation calls for, Fox News has come to the rescue. In exchange for the Phelps freskhow's pledge to stay away from the Amish funerals, Fox is offering them an hour of radio time on Mike Gallagher's show. Perhaps hard-core Fox fans won't really notice the dogmatic difference, but if there was any particular polyp of decency left on the Fox organization, it just shriveled up and dropped off. That said, we'd like to know what atrocities we can threaten in order to get our own Fox timeslot.

UPDATE: Pardon, pardon — it's not Fox News itself offering the airtime, it's Fox News commentator and occasional Fox News host Mike Gallagher himself, offering the airtime on his own (non-Fox) syndicated radio show. We promise to remorselessly picket the funerals of Christian kittens until Gallagher lets us on his show as well.

Anti-Gay Kansas Church Cancels Protests at Funerals for Slain Amish Girls [Fox News via Proceed at Your Own Risk]