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Who among us wasn't thrilled to hear that Ice Cube, the rap artist behind such hits as "Get Off My Dick and Tell Yo Bitch to Come Here," and "Fuck Dying" would be taking over the beloved title role in the movie adaptation of Welcome Back, Kotter. Gabe Kaplan, the original Kotter, told Access Hollywood Cube "is the perfect guy... He has shown what kind of crossover appeal he has." Even the original Horshack, Ron Palillo, was approached for comment; after jokingly suggesting he "should play Mr. Woodman," he then managed to put a swift, awkward end to all the nostalgic fun with this downer of a story:

He has officially retired his ultimate crowd-pleaser, the Horshack laugh
a gag that has haunted him for years.

"You know where that came from?" he says. "When I was 10 years old my dad died of lung cancer. And the last week he was alive the only way he was able to breathe was by making that noise.

Many thanks to Palillo, and his tale of the Horshack Cancer Death Rattle, which will likely drain a good portion of any joy we derive from watching the Sweathogs in the future. Let's hope John Travolta doesn't choose to share any similarly disturbing revelations on the origins of "up your nose with a rubber hose" that involve his gardening-enthusiast father's cruel and unorthodox disciplinary methods.