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In what has to be the biggest no-brainer in the annals of casting history, Warner Bros. (the studio who brought you big-screen remakes of Starsky & Hutch and, less successfully, The Dukes of Hazzard) has placed Erik Estrada's blue helmet on Wilmer "Fez" Valderrama's head, anointing him to star as Ponch in an "action-comedy" (read: neither exciting nor funny) remake of ChiPs. It appears that the role of whitebread partner Jon Baker hasn't yet been cast, but if you rush to your preferred place of worship and make the appropriate offerings to your deity, there may still be time to prevent Ashton Kutcher from getting the job, a move which would almost certainly trigger a cataclysmic tidal wave that would wipe out everything from Santa Monica to Las Vegas. And quite frankly, we all deserve to suffer His righteous wrath if we allow the studio to complete such an unholy coupling.