[Ed.note—Update after the jump.] It's way too early for us to determine whether this site touting Steven Seagal's Lightning Bolt, an energy drink available in delicious "Cherry Charge" and "Asian Experience" [!] flavors, is a brilliant hoax or the greatest marriage of washed-up actor and consumer product ever conceived. To wit, from the drink's website:
Steven Seagal now can add “Energy Drink formulator” to a list of talents that already includes veteran actor, singer/songwriter, guitarist, and Aikido black belt. Maintaining an unrelenting schedule that would tire younger entrepreneurs, the 54-year-old Seagal has just completed two movies, “Into the Sun” and “Submerged.” His album, Songs from the Crystal Cave, released earlier this year, has already hit the pop charts in Europe.
Lightning Bolt Energy Drink™ is the result of Seagal’s travels in Asia in search of the ingredients believed to keep many locals disease-free for life.
We want to believe, we really do, but we can't shake the image of Santa Claus buggering the Easter Bunny while Seagal watches from atop a unicorn, roaring with laughter. (We not entirely sure we're awake yet, but why is Seagal playing the ukulele?) We even called the customer service phone number and reached a voicemail box for "Steven Seagal's Energy Drink," despite the fact we were getting in touch during the company's posted business hours. A WHOIS search on the domain name was inconclusive. We've done all we can do, short of making a pilgrimage to Seagal's secret Buddhist temple/drink formulating facility in Tibet to yank on that famous ponytail until we get the truth. For now, we'll chug from the shiny can of credulity. We've got to believe in something.
UPDATE: A reader claims that it's real: "Yeah, it's real. I work for a large beverage manufacturer and in last month's trades, along with every other energy drink, Seagal has one coming out working the mystic martial arts Buddhist angle. My co-workers and I could not stop laughing. I'm sure it's filled with crap like all the others. Also get ready for the Von Dutch energy drink made by Rockstar coming very, very soon. I can't make this shit up."