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Perusing the notebook from Paris Hilton's Sidekick, we wondered: How to best introduce this, the most profound work of the modern era? Can mere words possibly do justice to its raw brilliance? Who are we to dare characterize the intimate inner-workings of the mind of a genius? We can't; her words speak for themselves. A mere sampling of Paris' notes demonstrates her intellectual mastery and tireless work ethic [everything from here on out is a giant sic]:

· tell ken about jess trying to bone JT
· Do you wanna leave soon, ill pretend I hsve 2 go pee and u wait 3 mins than come by yourself to the back entrance
· Victor magic tan representative.
· that's hot tank tops like chrome hearts iold english writinh that's hot
· call maroon 5 get birth control kill pill [Ed: We can relate to this last one — Maroon 5 always gets us in trouble.]

And, our personal favorite:

· And what conversation might that be bitch?
What do you think kristen
Did she learn her lesson?
Welsome back to gamma?
I think gamsy wants a little kiss
Its a gamma tradition
Gamsy is waiting

Fascinating. We're sending that last bit to the lab for further analysis. In the meantime, the Collected Works are available in their entirety after the jump. Do keep a cold compress nearby; the influx of information is dizzying.

Last Modified 2:02 PM, January 14, 2005
1 21st to sundance drop off van nuys a maui jan 2 till 9 4 seasons[redacted#]
817 [redacted#]
310 [redacted#] lindsay
Luvi 310 [redacted#]
781 [redacted#]
502 [redacted#]
Kihei town center off south kehei rd
10 mins sansei karaoke
516 juan carlos show me trailer539
[redacted#] snl
Random 323 [redacted#]
617[redacted#] paul weirdo
Bob 612 [redacted#]
617 [redacted#] sad boy
404 [redacted#]

Last Modified 2:02 PM, January 14, 2005

Last Modified 6:00 PM, September 16, 2004
228[redacted #] girl of brandon
845 highland and willoufhby1 an 702 [redacted#] antonia
Geoffrey comes in the 6th
1 nicdk
1 chad
3 kevin
5 ?
6 francesac1 1 718 [redacted#]
718 [redacted#] term 9 admirals club
329 noe 19th
United 630 arrive 750 flt 997 bill 415 [redacted#]

Last Modified 1:01 PM, December 4, 2004
917[redacted#] collin
Fatima at 10 am american jfk 730 and 8
Fatima 310 [redacted#]
13 917 some girl
626[redacted#] 512[redacted#]
Melrose and huntley
1310 [redacted#]
Erin smith lisa klines asst works there. Left
Mike sandwich met at esquire looking for bands 917 [redacted#]
314 [redacted#]
Mark cuban 214[redacted#]

8:53 PM, November 24, 2004
Buy a lap top
Ron perlman 212 [redacted#]
1 a start fininf band members and dance class work out
Jennifer goldman in ny for weekend 310 [redacted#]
John diamond cuffs are in with H. Need stuff back
Charlie muirhead coming to la this weekend
Nicole lenz in ny
1 brett coplin playing 323 [redacted#]
In casey 503 [redacted#] whisky 503 [redacted#]
Peter lopez phil maloof nov 14 new years eve special big $
Fred prince call dj am wire money

Last Modified 11:13 AM, November 18, 2004
A 1 eli manning 24

Last Modified 6:29 PM, November 23, 2004
A eglenatina

Last Modified 6:03 PM, October 5, 2004
Alex soannis

Last Modified 7:43 PM, February 12, 2005
Allan Jewelry 510 [redacted#]
Darnell Ryley

Last Modified 12:58 PM, September 27, 2004
And what conversation might that be bitch?
What do you think kristen
Did she learn her lesson?
Welsome back to gamma?
I think gamsy wants a little kiss
Its a gamma tradition
Gamsy is waiting

Last Modified 8:31 AM, September 29, 2004
Ashley margolis 323[redacted#] producer mary pallon
Peter lopez will black eye pees rob b
Nicky hilton private plane to vegas
Ken baker at us in town party at sagamore on friday. Steve madden shooot. Break in 323 [redacted#]

Last Modified 2:38 PM, August 25, 2004
Vcs10at aol cleopatra
1714[redacted#] dancing shoes
Albarbara12@[redacted] cleopatra ,ad 310 [redacted#]
Jason wein 310 [redacted#] stephanie simon
631 [redacted#] sargeDo that's hot tank tops like chrome hearts iold english writinh that's hot with crosses and tiatas
Carsondaily said to document everything guy said next truth or dare have cams at all times making if the club get carson number new years special for nbc or abc702[redacted#] ricky mark antons friend
Claudia 323 [redacted#] tracy feith

Do business woth andre harell somehowThe hive movie with miramax Alan rubin the duke montreal sanada conrad group canada clo
Tanning sprays woth devom
hing apparel
Yana k tommy 213 [redacted#] her show fri
512 [redacted#] andy
702 [redacted#] r
Ian eizenberg at marvad
520 [redacted#]
House house fix it buzz kill
Houston and thompson
Saran. Paul 310[redacted#] richard squire
Jonathan poster the hillz
Lisa long 310 [redacted#]
323 [redacted#] contact victor amanda demm717 [redacted#] 310 eric
310 [redacted#] I miss u where r u
Skye 718 [redacted#]
Casey gig at whisky nov 19 503[redacted#]
309 [redacted#] crank
305 [redacted#]
818v miriam 323 [redacted#]

Last Modified 6:37 AM, November 12, 2004
Right on olive
Right on alameda
Stay on alameda for 3 miles
Go under the fwy
2 lights past fwy is san fernando rd turn left
Left again 1st light e providencia [redacted#]

Last Modified 6:54 PM, September 15, 2004
Burbank to vegas
B 902 [redacted#]
310[redacted#] kyle

Last Modified 5:56 PM, September 18, 2004
Call gary shandlin get tape of everything

Last Modified 10:09 PM, September 19, 2004
Call madison re shoes
House bentley

Last Modified 6:29 PM, September 19, 2004
Call nicole bday buy present
Call madison 4 shoes

Last Modified 4:02 PM, September 22, 2004
Call the choreographer

Last Modified 2:00 AM, September 12, 2004
Chantal baechler alexander on list
1347 [redacted#] naomi Do you wanna leave soon, ill pretend I hsve 2 go pee and u wait 3 mins than come by yourself to the back entrance
407 [redacted#] trace 901 [redacted#]

Last Modified 3:34 PM, October 8, 2004
Club red light dot com2

Last Modified 8:17 PM, September 23, 2004
Craig garrison at wb 818 [redacted#]
1212[redacted#] ellen lavar

Last Modified 1:32 PM, September 8, 2004
Denise rich daughter wedding oct 9

Last Modified 1:50 PM, September 29, 2004
[redacted#] 310 lisa

Last Modified 11:08 AM, September 25, 2004

Last Modified 3:31 PM, September 26, 2004
[redacted#] 818 rob kavalo
337 [redacted#] collin
Billy smith bentley gt 901 [redacted#]

Last Modified 7:44 PM, September 17, 2004
Fred job on fri 310 [redacted#]

Last Modified 6:21 PM, February 8, 2005
Fwampfwampat @ [redacted]

Last Modified 11:57 AM, September 26, 2004
Its nick u bitcg 732 [redacted#]
702 [redacted#] danny
305 [redacted#]
917 [redacted#] harry morton
Chris riley
605 park towers

Last Modified 8:32 PM, December 3, 2004
Jan 26 san fran ballet opening nite

Last Modified 5:38 PM, December 22, 2004
Jessica meisels

Last Modified 11:29 PM, September 3, 2004
Kyle ben affleck

Last Modified 5:57 PM, September 16, 2004
Moe counter offer today
Alez schaeddel
Allie weiss lenny kravitz wants me to do
917 [redacted#]
David lachappele

Last Modified 2:09 PM, September 10, 2004
Mom and dad 310 [redacted#]
Adam in LA 310 [redacted#]
Baltazar getty
Rachhel in miami 772 [redacted#]

Last modified 12:08 PM, September 26, 2004
Mr chow left valet
Black eye peas and sex lies and videos guy in ny call peter lopez
Paige 818[redacted#]
Moe 310[redacted#] get financing together
Ricardo - 917 [redacted#]
Detective Scott 213 [redacted#] burglary
Sara pantera [redacted#] n bronson ave 323 [redacted#]
October 15 23 more sl3
Namoi 702 [redacted#] suck my c@ck
Jusske supermodel 917 [redacted#]
Call pedal to the medal

Last Modified 1:24 PM, September 8, 2004
Mr chow left valet pass for century city

Last Modified 1:16 PM, September 8, 2004 Oct23
1305[redacted#] tara estaban and marciano
1 917 [redacted#]
[redacted#] luck

Last Modified 8:50 PM, October 5, 2004
October 23 charity event in wilmington, n carolina

Last Modified 7:39 PM, October 2, 2004
Paris hilton entertainment inc
760 [redacted#] mike Tan machine free
John hair
Call rosalina
917 [redacted#]
Call herve leger and lingerie store
Check from rick
Call maroon 5
Get birth control kill pill

Last Modified 2:07 PM, October 5, 2004
Pauly shore 310[redacted#]

Last Modified 2:36 PM, August 25, 2004
Record plant on highland and santa monica

Last Modified 9:27 PM, September 13, 2004
Rick gosset motor car [redacted#]

Last Modified 5:44 PM, September 27, 2004
Robeet hart 310 [redacted#]

Last Modified 2:39 PM, August 25, 2004

Last Modified 9:02 PM, August 25, 2004
Tell ken about jess trying to bone JT

Last Modified 10:33 PM, September 19, 2004
The only reason I didn't go to vegas was becasue I wanted to see you. How am I disrepectful

Last Modified 6:59 PM, September 19, 2004
To create a note of your own, press the Menu button and select "New Note". A blank note will open. Type your note contents, then when finished, press the wheel to save and close your new note.

Last Modified 7:21 PM, August 22, 2004
Trace vegas 323 [redacted#]

Last Modified 7:18 PM, February 12, 2005
Vavina, james gardner, 10 tigers, 15th and 10th. 917 [redacted#] ombra

Last Modified 2:36 PM, September 15, 2004
Will wright
Chad 323 [redacted#]
Ellen sc 102 editing room
Frankie b jeans
Gina hoffman 323 [redacted#]
Victor magic tan representative. 35 grand booth for free 310 [redacted#]
310 [redacted#]
Peter lopez rob kavalo radio music awrds 25 and 26 in vegas, new songs
Henry. Ingrid. Russel simmons bday dinner sat
Ingrid party at Rumi
Rachel 305 [redacted#]


Paris Hilton Notes [Gorillamask]
Paris Hilton Gets Hacked [CC]