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god, it's just too much
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god, it's just too much
grumpy old men
Donald Trump: A Sexist Dinosaur
Donald Trump is a big, blustering, sexist dinosaur. The real estate tycoon and reality TV show host can "fire" us or call us a big fat dyke for saying so. Of all his delightful qualities, one of his most charming is his seemingly unlimited joy for belittling and needlessly berating women. His latest target is actress/princess of Genovia Anne Hathaway. The Donald recently lashed out at her, saying that she only broke up with be-scandaled Eyetalian Rafaello Follieri because his legal troubles caused the money to run out. “So when he had plenty of money, she liked him," he garbled to Access Hollywood. "But then after that, not as good, right?” No, actually, we suspect it's because he was arrested for stealing fucking millions of dollars that Hathaway ended the affair, not because the money trail went cold. She's been doing pretty well for herself in the films lately, so finances probably aren't a huge worry for her. But she's a woman! More »
jerks
Breaking: M. Night Shyamalan Is a Gigantic Prick
Television producer and angry blogger Chez Pazienza has a two-year-old bone to pick with M. Night Shyamalan, the dopey screenwriter/director behind such dreck as The Village and Samuel L. Jackson Has Osteoporosis. And he's finally decided to share it with the general public, on his blog and on the Huffington Post. Just what did Shamalamadingdong do to piss off Pazienza so? During an interview for Shyamalan's dreadful "fairy tale" about things called Narfs, Lady in the Water, the hack acted like the haughty, bratty Hollywood idiot everyone already suspected him of being. He didn't like the format, he didn't like the camerawork, he didn't like anything. Though it's an old story, it does seem timely as his next sure-to-be dismal effort The Happening is hitting theaters tomorrow. Plus it's always nice to have suspicions confirmed. Some choice bits from Pazienza's rant are after the jump. More »
justice
Teenage Punks Must Apologize On YouTube For Being Dumb
Teenagers have always been complete jerks, but in the YouTube age, they have an unprecedented ability to share their jerky ways with the entire world. And then to get arrested for it. When two teenage jerks in (naturally) Florida videotaped themselves pulling a "Fire in the hole" prank—tossing a huge cup of soda through the window at a drive-through worker—and put it up on YouTube, the enterprising victim did some online detective work of her own and caught them. Now, a judge has sentenced the young punks to post another video of themselves on YouTube: "an apology that shows them facedown and handcuffed on the hood of a car." That's nice and everything, but even better would be an apology that shows them facedown after being beat up by angry fast food workers. (Florida McDonald's veteran here, thank you). Sometimes, too, teenage jerks get their comeuppance right when they try their stupid soda-tossing. Like this: More »
Simple Decency
Sorry I Was Away... Bad Mood
Hey there. Mind if I overshare for sec? Okay, so this morning I thought I'd slip out for a little siesta because it's 700 degrees in New York, but as soon as I reached my siesta spot, I fell into a deep, black pit of brooding and could hardly drag myself back. No, I was not drinking. Here's the problem. After all this time and so many executions some commenters still don't fucking get it. I know, I know, I'm supposed to ignore the stupids and the mean-freaks but the fact is it's just me for two days straight, only 12 to 15 items per day and every fucked-up, wrongheaded comment feels tremendously amplified. So for the very few of you who still don't understand that we have rules here, I am going to ask you to at least observe the following. More »
journalismism
Anecdotes Prove Bear Stearns Savior Is A Jerk
The WSJ wraps up its three-part series on the Bear Stearns Wall Street clusterfuck today, and it is a masterpiece of financial journalism that's a lock for a Pulitzer. Uh, not that we care. In the final installment, various cutthroat maneuvers lead to JP Morgan's bitter $2-per-share salvation of the troubled Bear. And it's clear that enemies of JP Morgan CEO Jamie Dimon (such as: formerly wealthy people who work at Bear Stearns!) were very forthcoming sources on this story, because two of the best anecdotes in the piece do nothing but make him look like a snippy asshole: More »
citizen journalism
David Gregory: You Say 'Jerk'
Former White House correspondent and current MSNBC host David Gregory just may be taking over for Chris Matthews once Matthews' very expensive contract is up next year. It is hoped, by MSNBC brass, that the kinda well-liked Gregory will be less of a headache than the notorious diva Matthews. But maybe he'll be just as bad! We asked for your stories about Gregory, and you delivered. As we said yesterday, his reputation in DC was not particularly bad for a TV "star." But that town is sycophantic enough to forgive a lot. So far, you all agree that David Gregory is, in fact, a jerk. Your personal stories of jerkdom, after the jump (and feel free to send more). More »
citizen journalism
David Gregory: Jerk?
MSNBC took away Tucker Carlson's show because it was terrible and no one watched it. They gave to former White House correspondent David Gregory (the tall guy). We're not sure if his show is terrible or not, because no one still watches it. But regardless, rumors continue to fly that Gregory is being "groomed" to take the place of Hardballer Chris Matthews. Matthews is a network star, but he comes with a lot of baggage, like accusations of sexism, embarrassing magazine profiles, and his inability to deal politely with his staff. Gregory—famous for, in addition to his height, his testy and sarcastic exchanges with Bush press secretaries—doesn't have the ratings to justify any of this yet, obv, but supposedly CBS wants him so therefore NBC needs him even more because that's how TV works with its "talent." But would replacing Matthews with Gregory be even more of a disaster? More »
scandals
Roger Clemens: Baseball's Eliot Spitzer
Here on day two of the Roger Clemens Infidelity Scandal And Schadenfreude Festival Of '08, it's becoming more clear that the brawny former Yankees ace pitcher and full time jerk did in fact cheat on his wife with the wild country singer Mindy McCready. Because now she's admitted it! McCready said the two did have an ongoing affair, although the sex didn't start until she was of legal age. They first met when she was only 15, (Miley Cyrus joke). But the most entertaining aspect of this scandal is how Clemens—heroic, honored, self-righteous, dismissive of critics, a King of New York—is turning into an uncanny baseball version of another recently fallen hero: Eliot Spitzer. More »
media criticism
Ferguson in DC: "Shut the Hell Up, New York 'Times'"
The annual White House Correspondents' Dinner was held in Washington this past weekend. The dinner awards some prizes and serves as an excuse for the corporations that own media companies to reward rich friends and B-list celebrities with seats at tables that are often within 100 feet of the President himself. Then a comedian does a little routine. This year's comedian was late-night talk show host Craig Ferguson. He was ok. More »
roger clemens
Baseball's Meanest Star In Alleged Affair With Country Version Of Amy Winehouse
Roger Clemens, the recently retired former Yankees ace pitcher and full time Class A jerk, has used his commitment to his wife (pictured) and family as a defense of his own character, which has been impugned by steroid allegations. And, you know, by his own general asshole demeanor that causes him to do things like throw a fastball at his own son. But today the Daily News says that Clemens carried on a ten year affair with train wreck country singer Mindy McCready—although they never trot out any real proof. And their lead, which seems to imply Clemens is a statutory rapist, is a little problematic: More »
neighbors
Odious Attorney Couple Settles Asinine Smoking Lawsuit
Jonathan and Jenny Selbin—two people who deserve one another—are both attorneys and the worst neighbors you could possibly imagine. In February, they filed a lawsuit against their neighbor for smoking in her own apartment, taking her to court even after she bought air purifiers because her smoking was "endangering" their sensitive child. The note they slipped under her door at the time read "As you may not be aware, we are both lawyers and both litigators, for whom the usual barriers to litigation are minimal." That bit made them the runaway winners of our February ""Which snippet from the Times Real Estate section makes you most want to assault the person in the story?" contest. Now, the suit has been settled [NYT]—and the Selbins are concerned about their own reputation. More »
kevin trudeau
The Con Man That THEY Don't Want You To Know About
Kevin Trudeau is the infomercial star and dressed-up hustler who cons the gullible of America by claiming to sell things that "THEY" don't want you to know. Natural Cures "They" Don't Want You To Know About. The Weight Loss Cure "They" Don't Want You To Know About. Debt Cures "They" Don't Want You To Know About. The Federal Trade Commission (maybe the real "They?") has fined Trudeau millions over the years and tried to ban him from making misleading claims, but he just keeps it up [WBZ TV]. In the olden days, thousands of people who had wasted money on his worthless books would storm his home with pitchforks and torches, and that would be that. Today, though, it has to go through the system. After the jump, a look at Trudeau's scams. More »
public relations
The Secret To All Good PR: A Sandwich
So many PR tactics are shrouded in secrecy: off-the-record briefings, front groups, "file sharing." And lots of things that PR firms get paid a lot of money to do—devise corny slogans, make pretty marketing materials that get ignored, or think up new and creative ways to say "no comment"—are really big wastes of money. There is only one real live PR tactic that consistently works. It is maddeningly effective at getting reporters to like flacks, and by extension, their awful clients. Even the ones who know better! It preys on human instinct. It's called lunch. More »
big fat jerks
Paul Thomas Anderson: Crazy Asshole, Apparently Liked Juno
Paul Thomas Anderson, the auteur behind There Will Be Blood, recently had some angry words for Carpetbagger and delightful character David Carr. Anderson, who "can be a real arrogant brat", evidently flipped out on Carr when he overheard Carr saying that Blood wasn't his absolute, super-ist favorite movie of the year. "You know you don't know a fucking thing about movies!" he shrieked at "the Bagger", and added, cryptically, "[Blood is] the best movie of the year. Except for maybe Juno. And Clayton. And Atonement. Other than that, it was the best movie of the year." Well, I guess that's rather diplomatic of him. Though he's still an asshole: "You really think No Country for Old Men...that movie was better than ours? C'mon, do you really believe that?" Yup. A glorious, gifted asshole. Maybe he could take some lessons from Carr, who used to be quite the hard partier, on calming down and being cool. We think Carr's pretty good at it. [Hollywood Elsewhere] After the jump, video of the Carpetbagger kicking off the awards season. More »
Lit blogger Mark Sarvas displays the condescension and rudeness for which he's become notorious in a recent interview with Fishbowl LA. Asked "Last book you read?" he responds, "Hah! You're kidding, right?" Also, "I have neither TiVo nor TV. It's not a snob literary thing—I just don't have the time." Also! When asked what his enemies feel is his worst quality, "That I have a bigger audience than they do." [FishbowlLA]
jerks on parade
