Gawker
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disturbing
Julia Allison Is Stalking My Family
I received this disturbing photo in an unsolicited email from perpetual Gawker frenemy Julia Allison, whom I have never met. "Recognize this woman?" it read. Why yes I do, because THAT IS MY AUNT standing next to Julia Allison. Apparently they met at some college alumni event. I'm reminded of the scene in every gangster movie where the enforcer goes up to the family and says menacingly, "Pretty little girl you got there. She goes to Longwood Elementary every morning at 7:30." Aunt Carol: If this happens again, just back away slowly and notify campus security. -
unsolicited
Unsolicited: In Defense Of Big Dumb Deals
I think we can all agree, stupid people are everywhere. Even in publishing. Especially in publishing! And nothing makes putative authors' blood boil more than hearing about a six-figure deal based on a gimmick, a movie, a (god forbid) blog, or something else that doesn't smack of years and years workshop-attending, literary-magazine courting, and MFA-garnering. What are these publishers thinking, doling out (comparatively) measly advances to mid-career writers who've spent years honing their craft and then shelling out the big bucks to whatever corporation is putting together BoratSecret? More » -
unsolicited
Unsolicited: You're Not The Boss of Me Now
Bad bosses. They're everywhere. Even in publishing. Especially in
publishing! Publishing serfs might be safe from the likes of Judith
Regan for the time being (Jewish lawyers, not so much), but there are
plenty of other crazies and scaries out there. Trust me, I'm a hoary old publishing troll, and I've worked for all of them. (Side note to the slow to catch on: I'm not Emily. She hasn't written this column since she started at Gawker; how would she have time?) Anyway, bad bosses. Here are the basic types: More » -
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Unsolicited: Everything I Needed To Know About Office Parties, I Learned In High School
At some publishing office Xmas bashes, they serve chili from crockpots in the conference room. At others, they serve caviar at the Four Seasons. But no matter how posh or pedestrian the surroundings, there's one constant in this geekiest of industries: everyone becomes a fucking teenager once they get a little booze in them. The question, though, is what kind of high school style role will everyone fall into?
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unsolicited
Unsolicited: What Color Is Your Xanax? More Flavors of Author Crazy
Here at Unsolicited, we're all about the gross generalizations. Stereotypes are fun! (And, you know, usually pretty much true). Besides, no one reads this column anymore. Doesn't matter what I write. Blah, blah, blah. Editors are dumb! Authors are lazy drunks! Anywho, for the two people (hi guys) who care, here are some character assassinations of authors based on book genre: More » -
unsolicited
Unsolicited: Why We Can't Be Friends
Ok, authors, I admit it — the editor/author relationship is a weird one. I mean, there is something inherently . . . intimate about working together closely on a book, especially when it's a novel or a memoir. In a way, it seems natural for us to be pals. Maybe we even have some things in common! I mean, we both sure like words. But there's a thin but absolutely necessary line between professional and personal. And the thing is, editors and their authors should pretty much NEVER be Real Friends.
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unsolicited
Unsolicited: So Hard To Find Good Editorial Assisting Help These Days
I know that assistants are the underdogs who are often asked to perform ridiculous task after ridiculous task, work with master manipulators and certifiable sociopaths, and I totally feel for those of you who do all this while maintaining a sense of humor and a lick of sense. Sadly, those assistants are in the minority. And I should know — I've burned fewthrough — see, that's why I need an assistant! — quite a few of them during the course of my career. Hey young'uns: read on to find out who you shouldn't be if you actually, for some reason, want to forge a future in this crazy business. More » -
unsolicited
Unsolicited: Mommy, What's A Scout?
When I was a wide-eyed assistant, I used to hear editors mention submissions that scouts were "buzzing about" or were "high on." And I would think to myself: what the hell is a scout? They seemed to be everywhere and nowhere all at once, like some kind of magical gossip elves. And who, exactly, did they work for? A scout would call my boss after our editorial meetings and within moments, I'd be covertly messengering over some proposal or manuscript to said scout's offices, making extra certain that it could not be traced back to my boss. (Who said publishing isn't exciting?!)
Now that I'm an old publishing troll, I've gotten a (modestly better) handle on the whole scout fandango: More » -
unsolicited
Unsolicited: Spell My Damn Name Right, And Other Hot Tips For Agents
Scary fact: there are more literary agents operating today than ever before. You'd think that this would be a boon to editors: better submissions, and more of them. Well, hahahaha. NO. While I'm all for finding a diamond in the rough, the crap-to-good ratio feels like it's reached a crisis point. Call me crazy (I'm sure you'll call me worse), but aren't agents supposed to be an anti-really-bad-crap tool? I guess some of them just get the 'tool' part right. And now that many submissions are emailed, even the quality of cover letters has gone downhill. Authors, you might want to ask to see your agent's cover letter before s/he sends out your project — the number I've seen where the main character's/author's/agent's own names are misspelled is pretty staggering. Being incredibly fair-minded, I always try to look past superficial flaws and give every submission the benefit of the doubt. Psych!
After the jump, some advice for agents who want to suck less. More » -
unsolicited
Unsolicited: A Taxonomy of Book Publicists
If there's one thing that about 96 percent of authors can agree on, it's that their in-house publicist sucks, and often, editors tend to sympathize - especially when they end up fielding the disgruntled calls from their authors who've trooped out to East Buttfuck to give an impassioned reading to three people. But is it possible that publicists are unfairly maligned? On the one hand, it's a publicist's job to make people care about a book. On the other hand, is it a publicist's fault that an author wrote a book no one cares about? Besides, working in publicity is no treat. On any given day, a publicist might go from harried travel agent to ill-prepared baby-sitter for truly awful authors, all for the same shit wages that editors bitch about. People who can pull this off with grace and panache deserve just as much credit as editors do, believe me. Unfortunately, the sad reality is that too many publicists do, in fact, suck at their admittedly difficult and repugnant jobs. But they certainly don't all suck in the same way. More »
unsolicited
New York, 11:40 PM
Thu Dec 4
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