kabbalah madonna So we're wading through the boring parts of the book proposal that Crown decided at the last minute that it was too classy to publish, finding out lots about ex-nanny Melissa Dumas and not a whole lot about her employer "M." It was interesting, though, to read about the goings-on in London's Kabbalah Centre. Melissa's first meeting with her new employer took place there, and while it was short, it wasn't exactly sweet.

We entered the old, decrepit building through the basement level. The walls were dirty and dank. The air felt swampy and the carpets were stained and dirty. Kids laughed and screamed and chased each other through the rooms. I couldn't believe Madonna would walk through this place, much less let her kids play here. On our way to the main room we passed a kitchen where cooks were preparing a meal, and I shuddered and made a mental note to myself—never eat here.

A service and a meal transpire before Melissa is finally introduced to her charges' mother.

Madonna looked straight into my eyes. "You've got great kids," I said, trying to be as warm and friendly as possible. Her eyebrows rose a tiny fraction. "Thanks," she responded in a clipped tone, then looked back at Audrey [the nanny Melissa was to replace] as if to say, "Got it?" Audrey nodded and Madonna turned on her heel and returned to her seat at the head table. That was it for an interview with my prospective employer.

Believe it or not, that word is the only thing "M" is quoted as saying in the entire 75-page proposal. —Emily

Earlier: Madonna's Nanny's Book Proposal Book Club
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1:41 PM on Tue Mar 27 2007
By Emily Gould
11,269 views
16 comments

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cugat at 12:56 PM on 03/27/07
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"We entered the old, decrepit building through the basement level. The walls were dirty and dank. The air felt swampy and the carpets were stained and dirty."

For a minute I thought I was reading about Madonna's chooch.
therealgoogle at 01:07 PM on 03/27/07
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"Write what you know", in this lady's case is absolutely nothing.
rod townsend at 01:09 PM on 03/27/07
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Connectedness Index: 276

Fuck, Madonna's said more than that to me. Maybe I should write a book about the time we did the bump at Boom in '92.

Any editors out there reading this? I can stretch this shit out people. Hell, let's just make a movie trilogy. Or a docudrama. Or a sitcom with licensing potential.
dealbo at 02:24 PM on 03/27/07
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@momo: I don't think you can license bitchery.
SFSnark at 02:45 PM on 03/27/07
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@dealbo: Do not doubt the momo. He is, after all, newly risen, and in constant communication with the past.
Chaperone at 02:52 PM on 03/27/07
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Weren't there also more quotes from M in the previous posts? And isn't the official story that Crown canceled the book due to legal fears? How does that have anything to do with being too classy?

I think you are once again contradicting yourself, Emily, and I wonder: why ARE you on this obsessive quest to trash the proposal over and over again while you call it boring and uninteresting at the same time?
pseudopsych at 03:26 PM on 03/27/07
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Madonna needs a haircut. She looks more Sikh than Kaballah.
raincoaster at 03:33 PM on 03/27/07
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Who's Madonna's pet flack again?
picardia at 04:29 PM on 03/27/07
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Connectedness Index: 0

This is seriously the most boring "tell-all" ever. Charles Kuralt's off-camera life had more drama.

If Madonna's people had been smart, they would have let the book be published and fall flat. Not only would Madonna have been safe, but the author would have been more humiliated AND the rest of the public might have been spared the endless sashay of "Devil Wears Prada" clones.
SFSnark at 05:04 PM on 03/27/07
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@ gawker_stalker: Maybe expecting internal consistency from a Gawker post is a bit much. Also, lay off Gould. She's got a killer rack.
Chaperone at 05:37 PM on 03/27/07
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@ SFSNark: Are you trying to tell me that this Killer Rack is where Gould's brains are? Does she type with it, too?

That certainly explains why I shouldn't expect said reporter to not contradict her own articles!
smartastic at 06:17 PM on 03/27/07
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@gawker_stalker: omg, are you the nanny?
bacon-yum at 06:18 PM on 03/27/07
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Methinks I smell an execution.
picardia at 06:30 PM on 03/27/07
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Connectedness Index: 0

I smell it too, Bacon. Or is that bacon? Either way, savory.
oddballout at 01:08 AM on 03/28/07
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Someone forgot their Kabbalah Bran this morning....
DaveSingletonDC at 09:20 PM on 04/01/07
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I ran into Madonna in Central Park in 1992. She was running. I was on my bike. I fell over (what do you expect. She's Madonna). She said "sorry," just one word a la the Nanny's tale, but did M mean it?

Or was I just the latest pawn?

My new book EXPRESS MYSELF will explore the exciting options.