A well-organized gay roommate in an $850 Chelsea apartment who likes Pat Benatar, Ally McBeal and Full House? Sound like exactly the right kind of sinner to me! A closer examination, however, yields an Seuratian disillusion. This guy's made up of crazy dots. That Benatar you picture quietly playing in the background as you shower? Nope. "I have no choice but to listen to music loud to enjoy it... You must be comfortable listening to my favorite songs." The occasional episode of Ally McBeal benignly flickering on the TV as you blanch some asparagus? Not so fast.

Our sadult types: "I watch at least three episodes every night from about 7 until 10 and you cannot watch tv, cook, or make noise during this time."

Also this: "I often get locked out of the house and sometimes will need to call you to let me in or meet me at the apartment if you are away. You must always come to the house if I contact you." Oh, we get it! Alcoholic seeks slave!

The Compleat Craziness:

HIghly Organized Apartment For Rent

This apartment is a real treasure. It's a small, furnished bedroom in an organized apartment. My last roommate had to leave abruptly for personal reasons and so i'm looking to fill the space immediately with a quality male or female. I am male.

I go out drinking several nights during the week. I often get locked out of the house and sometimes will need to call you to let me in or meet me at the apartment if you are away. You must always come to the house if I contact you.

After listening to music loud for years, I now have no choice but to listen to music loud to enjoy it because my hearing is bad. I go through music phases and right now I listed to a lot of Reggaeton and Pat Benetar. You must be comfortable listening to my favorite songs.

I have a box set of ally McBeal and Full House (I'm from San Francisco) and like watch them often. I have seen ALL the episodes but I like to watch them when I get home from a stressful day to unwind. I watch at least three episodes every night from about 7 until 10 and you cannot watch tv, cook, or make noise during this time.

The television is right outside your room and sometimes I fall asleep on the sofa watching my favorite shows with my boyfriend. If the noise bothers you let me know when I'm not sleeping and I will let you use one of my electric fans to help with the noise.

The apartment is small and I have a lot of stuff. I keep many of my things in the room you will be moving into. I am willing to temporarily loan you extra refrigerator shelves in return for keeping my things in your room.

Looking for a bit of perspective on what conditions might be like in Gitmo? Feeling removed from the deprivations of the clink? Are you a firm believer in "stink ass"? Do you hate food? Do you prefer your rooms without windows? If you answered yes to any of these questions, this $900 bedroom in Chelsea is all for you!

Small BR with hardwood floors, high ceiling, no windows, elevator building, shared kitchen, dining area, and no living room.

the place is spotless and bug free. I keep the doors and windows closed at all times so bugs can't get inside. the furniture is new and you must keep it that way. you will need to sit on a cushion or a piece of cardboard. you cannot sit directly on the furniture.

i am a firm believer in "stink ass" which is basically the ability of bad smells to transfer onto other objects. the smell can soak into furniture and make it smell even after someone gets up.

you cannot bring food into your room because sometimes ants will get it.

$900 Need a Clean Roomie (Chelsea)

A two bedroom duplex in a beautiful area of Brooklyn, a guy who's in a committed relationship, no rent? What could go wrong?

I have a 2 bedroom duplex in a beautiful area in Brooklyn and would to share it with a women that understands a situation I am in.

I am with someone I see once a week and it is not enough for me.

I do love my girlfriend so it would be sex buddy only.

If things change between us and I am able to be with her more your only obligation would be keeping the house clean.

I would like to have a room mate with benefits type of thing and have my house kept clean for free rent. If interested reply with a picture and I will get back to you.

I Have A Room For Women Only

Pudenda: Due to an editing error, the listee was identified as a male douche. We've learned that said douche is actually a female one. Gawker regrets the error.

If your Craigslist ad for a roommate has 14 asterisked points to which your potential roommate needs must comply, you've got a problem. DSMV-IV suggests perhaps "latent neurotic tendencies," we suggest the rather folksier diagnosis, "You're an overbearing creep." Like this guy, "a 29 year old music marketing director who works 10-6" looking to sublet a room in his Prospect Park 2 BR for $950. Dude "does his best to be laid back" but it looks like his best isn't good enough.

* Looking for FEMALE ROOMATE ONLY * I am shortly getting cats and do not want any additional pets brought in * I prefer to keep the common spaces clean and clutter-free at all times - how you keep your bedroom is up to you but the spaces we share must be respected please * If you cook, please be prepared to clean up after yourself and do dishes the same night - waking up to someone else's dirty dishes or post-cooking mess is a pet hate that I'd rather not have to deal with ever again * I have a creative workspace in the apartment in addition to my bedroom * You must be outgoing and sociable - i.e. not come home every night and go straight to the couch. Same for weekends. * There is a hookup for cable TV in the bedroom so if you're a TV addict you should have a TV and like watching in your bedroom as much as the common room. No living room television-addicts. * If you're in a relationship I'd rather not have your partner over more than a couple of days a week - and if you're single, sleepovers are obviously fine but at the same frequency * No smokers of cigarettes (even if you do it outside) and no alcoholics (even if you are recovering) * No bathroom hogs! I spend 20 minutes most mornings at around 8-ish - so if you need the bathroom at around the same time and/or like to spend more than 30 minutes in the mornings, it will eventually piss me off * Would prefer someone who enjoys mostly or at least some of the same music (indie, rock, electronic, motown - really everything except mainstream pop/hip-hop, metal, opera and classical). I do play music in the common room, when I'm at my desk and working on projects. I'm willing to negotiate common room musical choices, but this is infinitely easier if musical tastes are mostly on the same page. * I prefer someone who doesn't have screamy telephone conversations outside their bedroom. * The room is unfurnished but everywhere else in the apartment already is sufficiently furnished - so candidates whose posessions are mostly confined to the available bedroom would be much preferred.

All these things are non-negotiable, so please do not contact me with questions or pleas for leniency...

Other than the above I am looking for a female who is drama-free, able to handle any issues maturely/diplomatically, willing and able to pay bills on time and willing to share in the cost for cleaning/maintenance supplies for the apartment. I have a very full life and am looking for someone who has a full life with friends and social events too - ultimately we'll need to get along, but ideally want someone independent to co-habit with but lead separate lives.