Gawker: Kevin Federline

Britney's Sad, 'Vacant' Birthday Of Disses

Ryan Tate — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 07:05:43 EST

First Britney Spears' guests whispered behind her back about how she looked "vacant" and "out of it" at her big birthday party. Then the singer's ex Kevin Federline told People that Spears' craziness had him "concerned with my children," whose well-being he felt compelled to fight for via custody battle when Spears "went behind my back" and filed for divorce, leaving him "completely blindsided." Finally, her first husband was thrown in jail.
But at least hunky former MSNBC anchor and raiser-of-journalistic-ethics-questions Dan Abrams came to Spears' party. And she might have talked to party guest Heidi Klum about a Project Runway gig.

They're not even trying to hide things anymore: Madonna applied for a visa for her and A-Rod to take a fancy sexytime tour around sexy Brazil, sexily. Wonder what they'll do down there. [Sun]

Kirsten Dunst is totally getting it on with one of the filmmakers on her big "why don't people vote" documentary. And here we thought she actually cared about this stuff. SUCH BETRAYAL.

Oh, poor Katie Holmes: Prepare for a "relaxing... romantic" getaway with husband Tom Cruise, who apparently can't stop planning awful surprise kidnappings.

Bruce Willis and Demi Moore are both bringing their 30-year-old significant others to the joint family Christmas. A holiday for all ages! [Liz Smith]

Strung out singer Amy Winehouse had a "farewell bonk" with her husband on his final night of freedom before going to jail. And the Sun insisted on telling everyone about it. [Sun]

Britney Spears Gives Up Custody Of Kids

Ryan Tate — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 09:22:28 EDT

Britney Spears gave up custody of her two sons to ex-husband Kevin Federline, retaining only visitation rights. The singer had been showing signs of steady mental and physical improvement, so it seemed odd she'd give up her custody battle so readily. Meanwhile, Spears' handlers keep trying to nudge her into making some more money for them, already. Sad.
Amy Poehler is leaving Saturday Night Live for a spinoff of the Office. I think it's safe to blame Chris Matthews. [AP]
After admitting she was stung by Maxim magazine calling her the "unsexiest woman in the world," Sarah Jessica Parker had her trademark mole removed. Or maybe it had nothing to do with the stupid magazine thing and everything to do with the mole having to be digitally edited out of the Sex And The City movie, which would make anyone a touch self-conscious. [LA Times]
The Who bandmates Pete Townsend and Roger Daltrey are supposed to do a $100 million tour but are already fighting over song selection and insisting on separate dressing rooms, hotels, travel arrangements and staff, because that's what cranky senior citizens do. [P6]
Ryan Phillippe sent his brunette girlfriend, Australian actress Abbie Cornish, to get her hair dyed the same color as his blonde ex-wife, Reese Witherspoon — in the same salon. [P6]
Pictures of British actress Dame Helen Mirren in a bikini: Surprisingly hot! [Daily Mail]
Jennifer Aniston told Miley Cyrus she'd like to make a movie together. Cyrus gave a tentative OK, subject to Annie Leibovitz's approval. [Star]

"Tom Cruise Purple" The Kind Of Bud That "Makes You Hallucinate"

Ryan Tate — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 08:45:26 EDT

How high do you have to be to name a grade of medical marijuana after lawsuit-happy Scientologist Tom Cruise? [Daily News]
Molly Ringwald is totally getting a show! The 80s movie star is to play the mother of a pregnant teen in a pilot to air on ABC Family this fall. Also, she is totally 40. [ET]
Cameron Diaz told GQ she is moving to New York from LA because "you get treated the same as everyone else in New York." [Gay Socialites]
Awesome Liza Minnelli does not care about your airport's stupid "No Smoking" sign, click for photo of the singer at JFK: [Faded Youth]
Anne Hathaway's boyfriend was arrested or turned himself in after bouncing a $250,000 check. That's the amount the actress' man owes a PR firm, according to a judge. [TMZ]
Mick Jagger's girlfriend is four inches taller, so he has to wear a special pair of platform sneakers, at least in public. In private the Rolling Stones singer can reach her just fine with his lips alone. [P6]
The writers guild wouldn't give George Clooney a writing credit for his work on Leatherheads, so the movie star withdrew from the guild. He said he basically rewrote the whole movie from the crap the other two writers put out. But he held his breath until the writers' strike was over. [Reuters]

Britney Spears Has Your Conservatorship Right Here

Ryan Tate — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 09:34:19 EST

Britney Spears' stupid dad took away her stupid booze and set her bedtime at stupid 11 o'clock, but he can't make her keep on her underwear, ha ha! Despite having a Vagina Of Freedom, Spears doesn't get to see her sons, even though K-Fed thinks the toddlers would be a more mature influence on the troubled singer than alleged grown men Sam Lufti and Adnan Ghalib.

Amy Winehouse had no idea her husband might have been trading her autographed pictures for heroin, even though he had just been treated in jail for an overdose. She thought it was for cigarettes and so forth! [Showbiz Spy]

U2 threatened a new double album based on their experiences in countries that hate precious American freedoms. [Reuters]

Kirstie Alley will personally teach you to lose weight, probably the insane Scientology way, after she was booted by Jenny Craig. [People]

If TMZ did not exist, who would publish pictures of Pete Doherty's rotting teeth?

Actor Orlando Bloom just slept over at Miranda Kerr's house. Don't deny it, there's video. There, there. Go ahead, let it out. [TMZ]

Here's the new guy who decides if you will get into the Waverly Inn and, wow, he's getting a friendly notice in Page Six! Well played, Posties. Well played.

Alert Homeland Security: J. Lo has entered her ultra-secure, roped-off private maternity wing where no one else is allowed to go, except the elite cyborg guards. Do not look at pregnant J. Lo. Do not think about looking at pregnant J. Lo. Stop. Reading. This. Item. Terrorist. [P6]

Nicolas Cage has the same accountant as Wesley Snipes. [P6]

BREAKING, from the British tabloid the Sun: OMG, Demi Moore continues to age, like some kind of aging freak. (Clue: So does Ashton.) [Sun]

Kevin Federline: Good at Taking a Punch

Richard — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 11:41:38 EST

Rap music artist Kevin Federline (also Britney Spears's rodent-like ex-husband) is doing a three episode arc on the really, really bad CW series One Tree Hill. He's playing a struggling musician whom one of the characters latches onto and tries to help. To save you the indignity of actually sitting down and watching the show, here's a clip of Federline working his acting magic on last night's episode. It's just a terrific bonus that he happens to get punched in his squirrely little face. [Micah Jesse]

Britney Spears May Yet Still Lose Those Kids!

Emily Gould — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 09:00:00 EST

Kevin Federline is dragging Britney Spears back into court because of her erratic driving—she recently ran a red light with the kids in the backseat. [Us Weekly]

It's okay with retired Supreme Court justice Sandra Day O'Connor that her husband is having an affair, because he has Alzheimer's and his nursing home hand-holding has given him a new lease on life. Aw/ew. [NYP]

Stylists forced to touch the head of oil heir Brandon Davis wore rubber gloves. [Page Six]

How in the name of all that is magabranding ...

Choire — Thu, 08 Nov 2007 09:20:52 EST

How in the name of all that is magabranding and holy can Details put Kevin Federline on its cover FOR THE SECOND TIME? (The first was all the way back in March, 2005: "the second-worst selling issue of the year," says WWD.) Do not understand! [Memo Pad]

Britney Spears Must Pay Kevin Federline's Legal Fees

Emily Gould — Wed, 07 Nov 2007 09:00:44 EST

Britney Spears has to pay $120,000 of her ex-husband Kevin Federline's attorney fees because he has "no net income." [Us Weekly]

Mandy Moore's taste in dudes remains consistent: her latest loser date is Matthew Perry. [Page Six]

Fabio to George Clooney: "Stop being a diva." [Page Six]

Britney Spears And Her Children Have A Nasty, Oozing Infection

Emily Gould — Thu, 11 Oct 2007 09:00:11 EDT

Britney Spears, Kevin Federline, and their sons Jayden James and Sean Preston are all currently afflicted with pinkeye. [TMZ]

Performer and reality T.V. star Bobby Brown's doctors attribute his recent mild heart attack to "stress and diet." [Us Weekly]

A 30th anniversary reunion of the staff of Rolling Stone was dedicated mostly to mocking bossman Jann Wenner for being a sellout. [Page Six]

Britney Spears Loses Kids (In Court)

abalk — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 15:53:30 EDT

"A judge has decided that Kevin Federline will get custody of sons Sean Preston, 2, and Jayden James, 1, starting this Wednesday. At a hearing in the Federline v. Spears custody case in Los Angeles Monday, the court ordered that Federline take care of the children he shares with ex-wife Britney Spears until further order of the court." [Us Weekly]

Someone Is Trying To Kill Kevin Federline! Please Tell Him!

Choire — Mon, 17 Sep 2007 14:20:26 EDT

T.V. "newsmagazine" ET has, they say, been working on a story "for the past two months" about how the FBI and the LAPD are investigating "a contract hit" on Kevin Federline, who is the useless flap of skin that used to be attached to Britney Spears. Um what? Also: "Multiple sources tell ET that the FBI made attempts to contact Federline to inform him of the potential danger." Do they need his phone? Couldn't they just like, tell Perez Hilton or something? And is this what took them two months: "When contacted, the FBI told us that the bureau cannot confirm or deny an investigation"? Yup. All that and still their headline is in the form of a question!

Hit Ordered on Kevin Federline? [ET]

Britney Spears Can Still Buy And Sell You

Emily Gould — Fri, 31 Aug 2007 09:00:15 EDT

Kevin Federline admits, via the latest filing in his divorce from Britney Spears, that he's worth exactly zero dollars and zero cents, and he's wanting a handout from his ex, who makes—sigh—$737,868 a month. [NYP]

British actor Steve Coogan swears his ex-gf Courtney Love's allegations about his indefatigable drug use are false. Man, Steve. Courtney Love calling you a massive drug addict. That's like ... Carnie Wilson calling you fat ... in 1994? Meh. Analogies fail us. [Page Six]

Newslady Paula Zahn's divorce gets even nastier. [R&M]

Kevin Federline Ratted Britney Out To The Authorities?

Emily Gould — Tue, 28 Aug 2007 09:00:27 EDT

The language in the complaint to the Department of Children and Family Services about Britney Spears' mistreatment of her kids, which included "allegations of poor dental hygiene, as well as poor eating and sleeping habits," also showed up in a legal brief K-Fed's lawyer filed today. Huh. [TMZ]

Sir Harry "Tina Brown's husband" Evans has demanded that the village of Quogue do something about the erosion occurring on the beach outside his estate before the rampaging ocean causes"grave damage to our considerable amenities." Then the whole beach was washed away by all of our tears of sympathy. [Page Six]

Former NFL star Michael Vick thinks Jesus will be able to help him smooth over the whole dogfighting scandal. [TMZ]

Alli Sims, You've Been Served!

Choire — Mon, 13 Aug 2007 09:20:56 EDT

Alli Sims, Britney Spears' cousin-assistant, got served with papers by Kevin Federline's lawyer for the upcoming custody craziness. How could he want to take Brit-Brit's babies away? She is doing such a good job. [Us]

Old pornographer Joe Francis compares his legal woes to those of Hugh Hefner and Larry Flynt. Yeah. He's a real First Amendment martyr. Also? When Playboy accidentally published images of underage girls, they paid them off, ya cheapskate. [Page Six]

Otto Preminger thought Kim Cattrall was a really bad actress! That is crazy. [Page Six]

She stoops to conquer: Perez Hilton says 'Hills' star Lauren Conrad "is a two-faced [bleep] who pretends to be all sweet and innocent on the outside, but on the inside she is a conniving, manipulative wench." [Gatecrasher]

Quick, Don't Think Of Gay And Nan Talese's Sex Life

Emily Gould — Mon, 06 Aug 2007 10:30:39 EDT

Will Gay Talese's memoir of his four-decade open marriage to Doubleday publisher Nan Talese be Oprah's next book club pick? Maybe not! [R&M]

Vanessa Williams is still bitching about her dog getting dognapped. "Celebrities feel things so deeply, don't they?" hisses Ben Widdicombe. [Gatecrasher, second item]

43% of Us readers think Kevin Federline should have custody of his and Britney Spears' kids. Well! The people have spoken. [Us]

Britney Spears Is Free To Remarry!

Emily Gould — Tue, 31 Jul 2007 09:00:00 EDT

Britney Spears and Kevin Federline's big marriage mistake is finally fixed, but Kevin still has the option to fight for full custody, which he'll probs get. Remember when we used to say things like "Poor Britney?" Yeah, that ship has sunk. [Us]

Michael Lohan was convinced to drop his motion that Din be tested for drugs before she can have contact with her two younger children when little Ally threatened to start loving him less. [Page Six]

Speculation that Adam Sandler's marriage is on the rocks is just that. Speculation. God, it's summer. [Gatecrasher]

Anne Hathaway fought with her boyfriend at a restaurant. [R&M, second item]

Kevin Federline, Sperminal Mastermind

abalk — Fri, 13 Jul 2007 10:27:24 EDT

Post gossip dowager Cindy Adams claws her way out of the casket this morning to float the following rumor about Kevin Federline and Britney Spears. Apparently, Britney wants Kevin back! But there's more!

[T]his pure speculation is rooted only in the fact that these people with whom I was talking closely watch and monitor those people about whom we were speaking. Since Kevin, who formerly played house with Shar Jackson, unmarried mama of his other kids, has now come right back to Shar's side (or whichever other part), they theorize that marrying Britney was all a plan. Get fame, career, money as a result of Britney—then run right back to Shar.

Well, sure, anything's possible, we guess. But ascribing that kind of foresight and motive to serial sperminator Federline (and, ladies, the mere act of reading his name now makes it fifty percent more likely that you are pregnant; sorry about that) seems like something of a stretch, no? We have a hard time imagining the dude working out a complex plan to tie his shoes; knocking up the world's biggest pop star twice so that he could eventually return to the scene of his prior ovary attacks with a wad of cash strikes us as a tad more ambitious than that gentleman is capable of being.

KEEPING AN EYE ON BRITNEY [NYP]

Now Us Weekly is reporting that Shar Jackson ...

Emily Gould — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 12:51:53 EDT

Now Us Weekly is reporting that Shar Jackson isn't knocked up with Kevin Federline's fifth child. Well, all in due time. [Us]

Tina Brown: Scary Skinny or Weight Winner?

Emily Gould — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 08:59:09 EDT

Tina-lauding reached new heights at Tina Brown's book party, but Isaac Mizrahi's compliment takes the lo-cal cake: "She's like a role model for me right now because she's so thin. I mean, not that she was ever big, but you know she's kind of at that crucial moment, where she could go one way or the other and she kind of looks amazing. So that's a real inspiration for all of us." Thinspiration! [NYO]

Kevin Federline may be spawning again with the mama of his first two babies, hyperfertile 'actress' Shar Jackson. [Cindy]

Dina Lohan and pup were no-shows at a charity doggie fashion show, prompting an organizer to announce that Dina's dog had OD'd "on Frontline." Heh! [Page Six]

Eminem is still mining his dalliance with Mariah Carey for material. [Gatecrasher]

Cloris Leachman was passed over for a part in the Broadway production of Young Frankenstein by Mel Brooks, who is her same age. [Ed. Note: CLORIS LEACHMAN IS A GODDESS. THAT IS ALL.] [Page Six]

Britney Spears To Leave Rehab Early?

Emily Gould — Wed, 14 Mar 2007 16:34:43 EDT

Rumors are swirling that Britney Spears is checking out of Promises in Malibu two days early in order to attend her estranged husband Kevin Federline's 29th birthday party tonight. Like Britney, Kevin, and everything about their history, relationship, children, careers, and pets, the party is to be ultra classy: according to X17, Kevin is pimping rights to cover his bash for $25,000, a price that reportedly doesn't even include an exclusive interview with the man himself. Still, if Britney will be there, it sounds like a bargain: who knows what wig she will wear! Who can say??

Britney Spears Quits Rehab Early For Federline [EntertainmentWise via Cityrag]

Gossip Roundup: Kevin Federline Bald Too

Emily Gould — Tue, 06 Mar 2007 09:19:26 EST

Kevin Federline shaved his head in a show of solidarity with his estranged, rehabbing wife Britney Spears, then partied for her in Vegas. [Us Weekly]

Rachael Ray was bitten by a dog in Union Square, but wasn't seriously hurt, so it's okay if you want to make a 'Yum-O' joke. [Page Six]

Naomi Campbell will scrub a LES warehouse as part of her community service. [NYP]

Jake Gyllenhaal takes underwear shopping seriously. [Page Six]

Oil heir Brandon Davis was unwittingly roasted at The Box. [R&M]

K-Fed-TV

Doree Shafrir — Fri, 01 Dec 2006 18:00:56 EST

We're not totally surprised that Kevin Federline wants his own reality show, but we are, frankly, a little disappointed in his selection of House of Carters Executive Producer Kenneth Crear to produce the show. We were thinking something a little more Flava of Love! Anyway, it seems that K-Fed had his own reasons for the choice, as Crear told Us Weekly:

"Kevin came to me because he liked the way I shot the House of Carters series and the way I made Nick Carter look real and trustworthy. I gave people a different perspective of him and made people really respect him."

Oh ... oh, right, of course. That's why we respect Nick Carter now.

Remainders: Let Them Eat Cake

Doree Shafrir — Mon, 27 Nov 2006 18:40:56 EST

Someone very kindly sent us the image above. It has nothing to do with this how cocaine is made video. [CityRag]
One of the Gotti kids gets arrested for drug possession. Y'know, the one with the hair gel. [Newsday]
K-Fed's brother, surprisingly hot. [TMZ]
To add to the calendar: Repeal Day. That'd be repeal of Prohibition. [Chow]

Britney Sex Tape Update, With Bonus Jay McCarroll Insight

Emily Gould — Tue, 14 Nov 2006 10:10:00 EST

According to this Fox News clip, Britain's News of the World (which, like Fox, is owned by NewsCorp, which we guess makes this more of an 'ad' than a news story), has offered K-Fed $50 million for a "four hour" tape of him playing chess with — oh, and boning — Britney on their honeymoon. Watch for more explainy-talk from the newsbots, plus some vintage Plastic Jumpsuit Tour stock footage.

So is a Britney sex tape really worth $50 million? Well, let's poll its potential target audience: ridiculously gay Project Runway winners. "I hope the Britney sex tape is real," Rush & Molloy quote Jay McCaroll as saying. "Kevin Federline is so flippin' hot, I just don't know what to do with myself." Yes, Jay, our thoughts . . . exactly.

Blind Item Guessing Game: Contagious Edition

Emily Gould — Tue, 14 Nov 2006 08:30:00 EST

Today Page Six offers up, not one, but two blind items. Oooh, exciting! Let's take a look at the first one: "WHICH ivory tickler . . ." Billy Joel. Sigh. Next! "WHICH singer had to deliver her child via Caesarean because of a raunchy STD her husband gave her?" Double sigh. Ok, let's do our thing that we do to make this fun.

Just Asking [Page Six]

Britney Spears's Floppy Toboggan

Chris Mohney — Thu, 09 Nov 2006 15:25:03 EST

What, did you think "floppy toboggan" was some kind of sexual euphemism? Sicko. Observe: Three days in New York, and three (at least) instances of Britney Spears wearing the floppy toboggan of triumph. Kevin Federline may be the master of the Homburg (if not the Trilby), but his days of romping with this toboggan are finally over.

[Photos: Getty/Dlisted]

Remainders: Jason Lewis Can't Take Rosario Dawson's Secret

Doree Shafrir — Wed, 08 Nov 2006 18:10:28 EST

Rosario Dawson and Jason Lewis break up when he discovers she's actually a dude. [Hollyscoop]

Chocolate-covered Altoids! [Complex]

Nancy Grace: too cheap to help the homeless? [CourtTV]

Yet another K-Fed interview. [Blender]

Kevin Federline Learns the Meaning of Murphy's Law

Doree Shafrir — Wed, 08 Nov 2006 15:40:13 EST

Gee, K-Fed sure picked a good time to go on tour! And hot on the heels of his 20 percent sold out show in New York comes the news via TMZ that he is literally giving away tickets to his show tonight in Chicago. Too bad about that ironclad prenup, bub.

Desperate K-Fed Can't Give It Away [TMZ]

Did We Say We Were Feeling Sorry For K-Fed?

Doree Shafrir — Mon, 06 Nov 2006 13:30:29 EST

Whatever we may have said about feeling sorry for the chap, we take it back. A reader sends in some snapshots from his (not cancelled!) show Saturday night at Webster Hall, and, well, let's just say they don't exactly inspire sympathy.

More K-Fed, and a dancer in a silver bikini top and big white K-Fed Nikes, after the jump.

Gossip Roundup: Actually Starting To Feel A Little Sorry For K-Fed

Emily Gould — Mon, 06 Nov 2006 12:30:00 EST

Kevin Federline gets mocked to his face at his own album release party and fails to notice. Do you ever feel kind of jealous of really stupid people? Like, nothing can hurt them. [cityrag]

Chelsea Clinton may have taken that hedge-fund job in order to fulfill her bf Marc Mezvinsky's desk-sex fantasies — they're co-workers now. [R&M, last item]

Page Six reports that Foxy Brown is suffering from an "annus horribilis," which in Latin means that her ass has had a really bad year. And it's getting worse: Jay-Z may drop her from Def Jam for spreading those pesky, persistent Rihanna rumors. [Page Six]

Hilary Duff's stalker was arrested over the weekend after threatening her life. No joke at Hil's expense here. We like our stalkers of the "saw Hilary Duff picking her nose" variety, not the "came to America for the express purpose of meeting, killing Hilary Duff" variety. [TMZ]

Publishing superstar Jon Karp on his off-Broadway play: ""There've been many times when I've written 'make it funnier' in the margins. And man, that's a tough note to get. If I could have made this musical funnier, I would have, believe me." Consider yourself warned. [NYMag]

How I Met Your Mother star Neil Patrick Harris finally spells it out: yes, he's G-A-Y. Stop holding that flickering Doogie Howser candle, ladies. [People]

K-Fed at Webster Hall: Still On!

Doree Shafrir — Fri, 03 Nov 2006 17:20:13 EST

After last weekend's Page Six report that Kevin Federline's show at Webster Hall tomorrow night was selling poorly, we urged you, our readers, to hurry up and buy tickets so K-Fed wasn't standing there all by his lonesome. Well, we heard nary a peep about the show all week, and today a reader asked:

so....did they cancel the show?

In an ongoing effort to serve our readers, we wore out the shoe leather a bit and did some actual reporting (checked Ticketweb, called Webster Hall) and discovered that yes! The show is still on! See you there!

Kevin Federline at Webster Hall [Ticketweb]

Kevin Federline's Media Theory 101

suki — Tue, 31 Oct 2006 09:10:44 EST

As mentioned in our earlier post on the Post's self-fellation over the fruition of its six-year plan to beat the Daily News is the 1,400-word (!) article by Kevin Fucking Federline.

Well, not exactly. The byline goes to K-Fed but at the end of the piece are the five magic words, "As told to Maureen Callahan". And it's not so much an article as it is a pro-bono advertorial for his album that's 'dropping' today; the only way to out-puff a puff piece is to have your subject tell you what to write. There isn't much in the article that you didn't already know from the first half hour of Behind the Music: Vanilla Ice, so we'll just get you to the relevant part.

I honestly think the media is a give-and-take. It's not that I can say, Completely f - - k you. I could just only say, Halfway f - - k you. But I know why they do it. It's because they're making a lot of money. So I can't be mad at you.

But I like that real journalism. I like putting other people's words in a sentence and making people, like, their faces light up about it. Not frown. Light up.

So that's halfway fuck you, faces light up. Got it. Where was he when we were in J-School?

Oh, and you can still get tickets for his show on Saturday. We can't guarantee that there actually will be a show, however.

I DIDN'T REALIZE HOW MUCH PEOPLE LOVE TO HATE ME! [NYP]

K-Fed Tickets Selling as Well as Expected

suki — Mon, 30 Oct 2006 09:03:46 EST

What is wrong with you people? We told you earlier to snatch up tickets for the Kevin Federline show at Webster Hall next Saturday before they sold out, but if today's Page Six is to be believed, the show may be cancelled due to poor sales. Do you not listen to us any more?

Perhaps our talk of a mad rush scared you off. Well, don't be scared, and it's not too late - tickets are still on sale and if we all pitch in, we can prevent a cancellation. Anyway, it's not like you have a big indie music festival to attend or anything.

KEVIN'S BAD RAP [Page Six]
K-Fed tickets, still available [Ticketweb]

Earlier: Clear Your Schedules: K-Fed Tix on Sale Today!

Clear Your Schedules: K-Fed Tix on Sale Today!

Jessica — Wed, 11 Oct 2006 10:40:01 EDT

Surely there's more important news with which to start the morning (or, uh, not), but we'd be remiss if we didn't alert you of a today's most-important to-do: at noon, tickets go on sale for Kevin Federline's concert at Webster Hall. Get your clicking finger ready for some heated competition, because rabid CSI fans, ironic music bloggers, and a bargain ticket price are going to make this one a quick sellout.

Kevin Federline Playing Webster Hall — I'm Serious [Brooklyn Vegan]
Federline Tickets [Ticketweb]

Donald Trump on the Matter of K-Fed

Jessica — Tue, 10 Oct 2006 12:30:24 EDT

The Donald appeared Larry King last night, where he mused on pervy congressman Mark Foley, fired lackey Carolyn Kepcher, Martha Stewart...and Kevin Federline. While he didn't comment on K-Fed's moving work on CSI, he did explain how the little wifebeater that could eventually won Trump's bombastic heart. Apparently, it wasn't that hard:

KING: You've been quoted as saying that something doesn't look right between Britney Spears and Kevin Federline, what?

TRUMP: Right. Well, it just doesn't look right and here's the problem. I was really attacking him because I have a radio show that's a very successful show. You know it's like a Paul Harvey 60- second deal, the Clear Channel. They're great. They set it up in my office and I do it. And, I was attacking him and then somebody said, because, you know, I didn't he was right for her in all fairness. Hey, look what happened to her, she's a mess. So, what happens now is I heard the other day that his all-time hero is Donald Trump.

KING: Oh!

TRUMP: So, now what I said, "I think he's a great guy. He's fantastic." You know when somebody likes you, you say "Hey." So, I totally changed my mind. I think Kevin Federline is fantastic.

Rush Transcript - Interview With Donald Trump [CNN]
Earlier: K-Fed Conquers 'CSI', Ready for Mamet

Gossip Roundup: Justin Timberlake Is Bringing Sexy Back, Those Sick Kids Don't Know How to Act

gdelahaye — Tue, 29 Aug 2006 12:30:36 EDT

• Kevin Federline to appear on C.S.I. Somehow the idea of Federline as a suspected murderer just doesn't mesh with the whole wife beater, no job, Kid Rock wannabe thing. WTF? [AOL]
• Tom Cruise in talks with Yahoo! to take his crazy wireless. [Liz Smith]
• Justin Timberlake visits sick kids in hospital, rocks their sick little bodies. [Lowdown, 3rd item]
• Kimora Lee Simmons turned away from night club, marriage, for being too ghetto. [R&M]
• Tori Spelling's new husband does not like her cats. Spelling insists there is no other way to be crazy, forgotten, washed-up celebrity now known as "that old crazy cat lady I think was on TV once, who lives in the spooky old house on the hill." [Page Six]

Gossip Roundup: K-Fed Hurts the Children

Jessica — Mon, 21 Aug 2006 13:10:18 EDT

• Kevin Federline performed at last night's Teen Choice Awards. There are no words to describe this national nightmare. [Egotastic]
• Rapper Busta Rhymes was arrested Saturday on felony assault charges; he allegedly beat a "fan" into a concussion on August 12 in Chelsea. Granted, the fan spit on the rapper's car before getting his ass kicked — guess he's just lucky that Busta didn't use the machete police found in his car. A machete. Really? Is that how far a rapper has to go just to prove his cred nowadays? [NYDN]
• Tom Hanks on Asians: they all look the same. And operate pedicabs. [Page Six]
• Just three weeks after Julianne Moore and family bought a puggle puppy, the poor thing died of distemper. Meanwhile, Melania Knauss uses Craigslist to find a serial killer/nanny. [Gatecrasher]
• Not only is Mel Gibson likely denying the Holocaust, but his Jewish publicist is denying the denial. You follow? [Page Six]

Press Release of the Week: 'Blender' Hitches Its Wagon to K-Fed's Semen

Jesse — Tue, 27 Jun 2006 14:00:58 EDT

Because nothing helps sell a brand like associating it with Kevin Federline's cum, Blender's PR geniuses at Four Corners Communications put out this release earlier today:

BLENDER
Contact: [Flack redacted], 212-849-XXXX, xxxx@four-corners.com

Britney's hyper-virile hubby Kevin Federline has been a busy bee. With three kids and another on the way, the wannabe hip-hop star can't stop spreading his seed.

The scary notion of more mini K-Feds made July's Blender ask readers the burning question: What's another use, other than making babies, for Kevin Federline's super sperm?

Survey says:

Cheap alternative fuel source: 68%
Curing male-pattern baldness: 12%
Super food, like algae: 10%
Rebuilding rainforests: 10%

It's highly potent stuff!

We should hope this is now going in Blender's media kit: "Ten percent of our readers think K-Fed's spooge should be used as food!" That's a demographic advertisers are no doubt lusting after.

Without the Manny, Britney Exposed to NYC Citizen Photojournalists

Jessica — Thu, 22 Jun 2006 13:25:21 EDT

To celebrate the glory of K-Fed's wildly successful PR appearance in Times Square yesterday, wife Britney Spears took her pennies to Columbus Circle (you knew she was a mallrat). A reader provides the above images and reports that a stroller was on the scene, being put to good use as a shopping cart.

As luck would have it, I had my camera and was happily snapping away when Mr. Security came up and told me that this was a private moment. I said ,"Really, in a public space, how interesting." I snapped one more before Mr. Security told me to move on. I shot back telling him he was no Perry the Manny.

Because of this woman's bravery, now we can enjoy pictures of Britney's oddly broad back. Such noble sacrifice! As for the clever brown wig: covering fake hair with more fake hair does not, sadly, count as a disguise.

Lowest common denominator bonus: larger pics after the jump.

Pic: Britney likes sunglasses

Pic: Swimmer's back

Kevin Federline Loves the Penny More Than He Loves His Wife, Baby, or Unborn Child

Jessica — Thu, 22 Jun 2006 10:46:12 EDT

If you were wondering, Kevin Federline feels "good about the penny," as he announced to a crowd of at least 25 people who gathered in Times Square yesterday. As captured by our brilliant intern-cum-videoslave Scott Kidder, the occasion was marked by inexplicable skywriting, a penny-encrusted truck, and spastic publicist control of the "crowd" (consisting mostly of depressed cameramen), and a post-promotional smoke.

The most noteworthy part: in whatever southern thug accent he's trying to adopt, K-Fed shouts, "Let's do it big, 9-6!" Behold the tragedy of early-onset Alzheimer's.

Earlier: Kevin Federline in NYC to Campaign for Negligible Amounts of Currency
We're Still Stuck on the Stupidity of K-Fed's Media Event