Gawker
heroes
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drudge
Crazy Internet Person: World To Explode In Obama's First Term!
We had a feeling, when we saw this million-point headline at Drudge saying Iran will get a nuke during Obama's first term credited only to a mysterious "paper," that the "paper" referenced would be either the Moonie-owned Washington Times or the Murdoch-owned Times of London. More amusing: in order to stop the evil Iranians, the Times insists that Obama must engage in the direct diplomacy without preconditions that John McCain (and Hillary Clinton!) called so naive and foolish. A more reasonable assesment of the report from Brookings and the Council on Foreign Relations is here. [Times via Drudge] -
headlines
Daily News Taking The Piss Out Of Ivanka?
At some point last night, the Daily News fed the Web address above into its RSS feed. The XML file appears to have been subsequently cleansed, but Google Reader still has the original address, attached to the much tamer headline, "Side Dish: Juliette Lewis isn't into 'Gossip'." Clicking it is a dead end, of course, but we're now way more intrigued by what the tabloid's gossip section didn't say than by anything it could have possibly printed about Jared Kushner's girlfriend. Maybe it's a clever bit of reverse psychology, hyping tomorrow's Rush & Molloy. Anyone care to clue us in?
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drudge
Drudge Questions Obama Victory With Devious Question Mark
Poor sad Matt Drudge lost his influence this year, forever, and no one cares about him or takes him seriously anymore. This was his headline a couple minutes ago, until he lost the question mark. Still, the inference is there: this is an illegitimate win. Matt will now probably lead not the MSM but the crazier fringes of the opposition. Not so much the ones working to formulate a new, smarter conservatism, but the ones who just retreat further and further into conspiracy theories and nuttiness. Goodbye, Matt! We'll be back as soon as hurricanes threaten Florida! [Drudge Archives] -
today's papers
Newspapers Agree: Today is Election Day
There's a limited number of ways you can make "election day" a front page, above the fold headline. Because, you know, nothing will be "news" until tomorrow. So you can "report," as many papers do, that people will choose someone (YOU DECIDE, YOU CHOOSE, IT'S UP TO YOU), today, with a big splash featuring both candidates' headshots. You can try to make some actual "news," as the Times and the Wall Street Journal do with stories on how historic everything is and what the winner will inherit. You can report on all the boring campaigning of yesterday, or predict electoral chaos, or, as the New York Post admirably did, just pretend there isn't even an old white Republican in this race. The papers in the attached image chose almost exactly as you might predict. A couple papers across the world went a different direction. More » -
horse race
Obama Election Day Photo Op Fail
According to Drudge, Barack Obama and his wife Michelle have taken "more than 15 minutes to vote." Maybe they're undecided? His link goes nowhere. Ben Smith doesn't report anything about how long it took Barack Obama to vote. Meanwhile: "HILLARY POLITICKING INSIDE NY POLLING AREA, ADVOCATES FOR OBAMA, 5 FEET FROM BOOTHS... DEVELOPING..." Once again, no link! But this is really a "fuck you, too late to not vote for me" move by the Obamas. Look who else voted at their polling place: More » -
october surprise
Drudge's Last Campaign Bombshell: Obama's Secretly Rude
Matt Drudge has lost it. Utterly, totally lost it. This is his headline, right now, the day before the elections. It links to a YouTube clip of Barack Obama scratching his face with his index and, yes, middle fingers. Just like he did to Hillary Clinton, once! Don't you remember? Now we know who the real Barack Obama is: he is a secret asshole. This is really the best anyone can do, because it turns out all those other secret things he is aren't true. More » -
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headlines
British Gay Cannibal To Cook In Prison: 'Irony Chef'
Yesterday we asked for your best sleazy tabloid headlines for the story about the gay British cannibal chef who is now cooking for his fellow inmates in prison. There were many brilliant lines, but in the end only one could win and that was Carol Gardens' lovely and simple "Irony Chef." Yay! Thanks to Steve Dressler for the mock-up. Click the thumb to view it in full. -
weekly world news
Alien Revives Tabloid Corpse!
Entrepreneur and longtime entertainment executive Neil McGinness bought the deadpan supermarket tabloid Weekly World News from American Media, according to the Times, 14 months after the last issue was printed amid anemic circulation. McGinness has "revived" the website, which AMI had promised to keep open (as publishers tend to do), and might even bring back the print edition. The idea is that online advertising, licensing and movie deals can succeed where the prior incarnation failed. Plus, it's something of a golden age of satire, what with the Onion and Daily Show and so forth. The new site already has old staples Bat Boy and Ed Anger, but the headlines aren't quite up to snuff yet. Perhaps the site's distinguished editors can take some inspiration from this list of headlines from the past (add your own in the comments!): More » -
headlines
'Man Eater Mans the Eats!'
Remember our good friend Anthony Morley? You know Anthony, he's the Mr. Gay UK winner who slit his lover's throat and then fried him up with olive oil and various spices and ate him. He's a nice young chap, and ha ha!, he was a chef by trade. So that's creepy and funny in a really terrible way. Well he was just sent to prison and, wouldn't you know it, he'll be working as a prison chef! The good news is that they're not letting him use knives. Since this is such a salacious, baroque bit of scandal, we figured we needed a splashy tabloid headline to commemorate the occasion. We came up with the awful one above, and we bet you can beat it. Leave your best gay cannibal headlines in the comments and we'll pick our favorite. Winner gets fame and glory in Photoshopped newspaper form. -
