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dimitri the lover
Here, Have Fun With This
Dimitri the Lover may be an incredibly inept (if scary!) pickup artist, but it cannot be denied that he has an awesome website. One of the secrets of his awesome website is his expert use of Shockwave animation, mostly featuring big-breasted cartoon ladies. But because his site is on hiatus or something, you couldn't see all his great work. Until now!!! Because he left his "animation" directory open. Above, a still from one of his more mature works, "Dykes." (Link NSFW, probably?) [Dimitri the Lover]
urban anthropology
The Internet's 5 Scariest Seducers
Dimitri the Lover is a man with a seduction manual to sell. (Men with "seduction manuals" are the new twentysomething-girl "sex columnists"!) We introduced you to him yesterday, via his awesome "If you're on any sort of medication for anxiety or depression, I'm not interested" voicemail. As the weekend is fast approaching—and because we're not afraid to be servicey—we've gone ahead and compiled a shortlist to some of the worst daters roaming the bars and streets, completely unfettered by shame.More »
douchebags
The Man Behind the Worst Dating Events in NYC
Jeremy Abelson's dating events for Pocketchange NYC—such as a cougar-dating night and the infamous Fashion Meets Finance clusterfuck—double as publicity stunts and are always overrun with press. It works pretty well because 80% of us get all outraged by the idiocy of the idea, 10% actually attends the event, and the other 10% is press. Joshua Stein gets to know the hustler in Page Six magazine. Revelations? He calls his redheaded girlfriend "Big Red" and sometimes plays the character of the site's spokesman, a fictional and obnoxious WASP called "Richard Nouveau." More »
congress
Congressman Spends His Work Hours Making YouTube Clips
Thaddeus McCotter (R-Michigan) spent his time on the floor of the House of Representatives yesterday giving a little presentation called "How to Speak Democrat." For example, "progressive" means "regressive"! So witty! And the presentation (shown below) should in no way be seen as the sole thing McCotter has accomplished with his time while he only raised $8,500 of the nearly $1 million he's supposed to raise for the National Republican Congressional Committee. More »
Gawker investigates
In a famous scene from American Psycho, pathological investment banker Patrick Bateman shows off his new business card only to be trumped by a colleague's with gorgeously understated typography, raised letters and perfectly off-white stock. The book, made into a movie with Christian Bale, is a bible for psychopathic Wall Streeters. But Prescott Hahn—the fashionista-chasing self-styled hedge fund manager photographed by the New York Post at a douche-dating event—wasn't paying sufficiently close enough attention. We've obtained a copy of the business card he was handing out at this month's Fashion Meets Finance mixer: it exposes him as a conman, and an incompetent one at that!
More »
The Fake Hedgie Who's Conning New York Fashionistas
In a famous scene from American Psycho, pathological investment banker Patrick Bateman shows off his new business card only to be trumped by a colleague's with gorgeously understated typography, raised letters and perfectly off-white stock. The book, made into a movie with Christian Bale, is a bible for psychopathic Wall Streeters. But Prescott Hahn—the fashionista-chasing self-styled hedge fund manager photographed by the New York Post at a douche-dating event—wasn't paying sufficiently close enough attention. We've obtained a copy of the business card he was handing out at this month's Fashion Meets Finance mixer: it exposes him as a conman, and an incompetent one at that!
More »
the second generation
Tomorrow's Douchey Business Leaders Today
"I wouldn't say I have a complete picture of the MBA ranking by female attractiveness," writes somebody calling themselves Markbot, on Business Week's online forum for business schools. However. "Wharton had by far the most attractive women of the schools I visited and Chicago GSB had by far the least attractive women that I visited." User Dabots chimes in, "this can be pretty easily settled by using Facebook." James N., a commenter who probably hasn't been laid since Bush's first term (and that was by accident), adds, "I'd hit up schools in the lower tier. Texas Tech!" Oh, to be free, white, and 21! More »
douchebags
The Times Spends a Day With Creepy Little Model Hunter
One of the many types of slimy little men we have to purge from our fair city is profiled in the New York Times today. "Some people see models all the time. They recognize these creatures despite their oversize sunglasses and disheveled hair. They can look past baggy shifts and mismatched patterns, beyond gaudy makeup and cheap earrings. These people are called model scouts, and their numbers include Roman Young of Elite Model Management, who chose Union Square as his hunting ground one Saturday in May." The vile "hunt" after the jump. More »
sex wars
Is Hedge Fund Dater a Phony?
Regarding "Prescott Hahn," the "hedge fund manager" ID'd by the Post at the Fashion Meets Finance douche-dating event in a pink shirt—we're not buying that he's managing any hedges. The website for the company he claims to be the "owner" of, Kensington Square Capital Management, is one big 404 error. (We also couldn't find record for it—no Bloomberg profile, no website, not on any list of financial advisory firms.) Update: We hear from a school chum that he's merely a one Tom S., intern, Columbia '10!
douchebags
Sex and the City: A Douchebag's Perspective
So intrepid douchebag Morty White figured that the release of the Sex and the City movie would be the perfect excuse to call up a few of his SATC-loving ex-girlfriends and make fun of them. Isn't he hysterical? "My first call was to Janet. She won the prize for bringing up Sex and the City the quickest—54 seconds into the date, to be exact. We went out on our date in 1999 and haven't spoken since (not including the three messages she left on my answering machine). It took a while for her to warm up to me over the phone, but she finally agreed to play ball:" It begins... More »
fight club
"Public Fighting is For Everybody"--Even Hipsters
And I Am Not Lying reports on a public Fight Club-type affair in Union Square last Friday, drawing a large crowd: "All kinds of people: old people, moms with strollers, skateboarding teens, foreign tourists throwing Euros around... A number of shirtless, scraped-up men paced the perimeter of the circle, alternately refereeing and answering questions. The rules were simple: find a partner, get in the ring. No face shots, tapping out ends the fight. No settling scores, just fighting for the fun of fighting." Our favorite fight? Two skinny hipsters! The accompanying video is sort of like watching a cockfight, if the cocks were scrawny, bobbing chickens. Which one will defend my honor at Hugs? [And I Am Not Lying]
advertising
Raingear 2.0 for Douches
During my very brief stint at a fashion magazine, my boss sat me down one rainy morning and said, "I'm about to give you the most important advice you're ever gonna hear from me." I listened, soaking wet from the morning commute. "You're gonna need to buy some rain gear," she continued. "I don't care if you think it looks ugly. You gotta do it. And get some rain boots." Haven't done it yet, but... may we interest you in the next generation of rain gear? It's like an isolation-pod for your head. Staying out of the rain? Great. Looking like a total control-freak dork? Um... priceless. More »
douchebags
From Paul Janka's Ex
Sure, it's one thing to watch sad, sad man Paul Janka make an ass of himself on Dr. Phil. But no matter how much you shout at the screen, he can't hear you. Well, problem solved. Comedian Heather Fink, who briefly dated Janka until he answered his door tossing-off, helpfully informs us that Janka will be at The Cake Shop on Ludlow Street Monday night at 8:00. As part of a comedy show? After the jump, Fink tells Dr. Phil all about what romance with a gross person is like. More »
the second generation
A Rogue Williamsburg Kickballer Explains It All
The bad seed of Brooklyn's hipster kickball league speaks! Even though it was reported so on their website, the team known as "Prison" isn't kicked out of Williamsburg's kickball league after all. "Just me," former kickballer Robert L. confirms. "I told [38-year-old Brooklyn Kickball commissioner] Kevin Dailey he was a fat fuck and to go sniff coke. Then pushed 2 people who surrounded me and threatened another guy. I can only apologize that jocks picked on people in high school!" There's more to the story: just like every punk show in high school, this one was broken up by... you guessed it, violence from a straight-edger! More »
blind items
Who Is the Clumsy "Indie Rock Dreamboat" Heartbreaker From This Week's Modern Love?
This week's Modern Love, the column in the NYT's Sunday Style section, bucked a trend. It's supposed to be about modern love, duh, but it's usually about adopting babies and cancer. This week, it actually was about modern (text-messaging) luv, with an essay by a young woman about her awkward flirtation with a frustratingly immature but totally cute indie-rocker boy in Brooklyn. Title of essay: "Was I On a Date or Baby Sitting?" HEY OH! "I asked my musician friends what they knew about him. Joanna, a singer, summed him up: 'He's an indie rock dreamboat. His voice is transcendent and he writes lovely lyrics. He has a nice face, he has a kid and he tours a lot. He's a star in his world.'" Oh, perfect: the conveniently unavailable guy who "goes on tour" a lot. Of course, we'd all love to know who the dude is and what band he is in. Thanks to a tipster, now we know! More »
Flaming Balls of Douche
Jakob Lodwick is Sick of Your Infernal Minimum Wage
Why all the poverty in America? Vimeo-founding Julia Allison-ex and tedious fameball douche Jakob Lodwick thinks it's because all those poor, poor corporations are forced to pay a minimum wage that many prospective workers are simply not qualified for. In a rhetorical interview with himself (Oh, what a device!) Lodwick sure does make some convincing arguments. More »
Burn This
Girls Gone Wild Now 'A Lifestyle'
Want to support pig-faced scumbag "Girls Gone Wild" producer Joe Francis, who recently got out of jail and is awaiting his trial on tax evasion charges? Then go buy your copy of Girls Gone Wild Magazine—it's hot off the presses and stinks of ammonia! "The magazine comes packaged with part one of the 'Hooker Gone Wild' DVD series, starring Eliot Spitzer's infamous call-girl, Ashley Dupré, as well as an additional full-length Girls Gone Wild DVD," the press release boasts. More »
breaking
