Gawker
The reader who sent us this photograph tells us, "Whilst taking a smoke break from my favorite watering hole, Spuyten Duyvil, I noticed this ad plastered on to no less than seven telephone poles".
The flyer reads:
Ladies of Williamsburg, BEWARE!!! This man shit on the floor of my kitchen on October 6th, 2006 and then peaced. He might strike again. Approach with caution.So much to get at here - are the gentlemen of Williamsburg not in danger? How did this lady get Frank's photograph before he "peaced"? "He might strike again"? Well, naturally - shitting is the nature of man.
Williamsburg may just be a bicycle ride over the bridge from Gawker Guest Editor HQ, but it might as well be whole another country.
Update: A reader writes in,
i just read the story about the man shitting in someone's kitchen floor, and no joke, that was my roommate who must have put that up. my roommate first was in denial and thought that some large animal did it, then thought that some guy broke into the apartment just to shit on our kitchen floor, then left without taking anything. my other roommate (sans shitty date) and i were adamant that it was frank. and look who's in the anger phase now? the best part is that he tried to clean it up with our dish rag, gave up, and just left a mess, half in the recycling container and half on our floor. ah, the silver lining is that there's so many jokes to be made about things being better than a shit on the floor.We really, really needed to read that before lunch.
Comments
Feels a bit like what's going on over in Deadspin today
You know, missy, some people have IBS.
you deadspinners have kitchens? i thought you all just microwaved burritos at work.
This is a blatent invitation for Deadspinners. Balk, which side are you on?
How do you "peace?" Is that some hipster trend I haven't heard of, yet?
Frank is what I imagine the majority of Deadspin commenters look like. And coincidentally act like.
So much for the old saying: "Don't shit where you eat."
Everybody poops
Nah, that dude's teeth are too white
Kids these days and their lack of manners. See, when I was growing up, it was OK to shit on someone's kitchen floor -- it's just part of life. But if you peaced right after that, and your parents found out about it, you were in for a serious beating.
"There's too much unirary freedom in this society."
Peace, verb; 1. to leave. Derived from "peace out ". Usually used in the past tense or as a gerund. ("I stayed until 5am. You were the one who peaced at 3!")
Who the fuck uses 'peaced' as a verb? This person probably deserved the offensive kitchen dump.
I peaced in my pants once.
Balk shit in Deadspin's kitchen.
Maybe next spend the extra grand and get the studio with a bathroom.
I got two words for you, lady: learn to fucking cook.
QUITE FRANKLY, I WAS UPSET THE PARTY RAN OUT OF CHEESE DOODLES!
Well we know he couldn't have been a homosexual. "The gays are a clean and industrious people, and have been ever since they came to this country from France."
Hello, Gawker. I'm another one of those Deadspinners commited to making your life suck today. Enjoy.
Was she present for the kitchen-shitting? Did he do it in front of her, or while she was in another room/out buying toilet paper? So many questions left unanswered.
She clearly deserved it if she doesn't know that "shat" is the fashionable past tense of "shit".
ALSO: Daddledee, not to nitpick, but that was way more than two words. I agree with your central premise, however.
This week's commenter executions are going to be the most awesomest, ever.
Further proof that Flavor of Love rots minds.
Balk, i think this makes the 'great moments in journalism' candidate i just sent you even more timely:
The first rule of public health is one most of us learn in kindergarten: Don't eat poop.
Isn't 'shat' the proper past tense?
Killer Squid, you beat me to it. Now, though, I command you to find a link -- prolly at Fleshbot -- to that Burning Angel video featuring Shat (former bassist of Dillinger Escape Plan).
Seeing as you're up on shat...
(& speaking of Williamsburg, ye gotta love punk-porn. Joanna Angel is my favorite Heeb, too.)
Frank is back on Najeh Davenport's Christmas card list.
You know, if Frank had just called it "art", he'd be the coolest motherfucker on Bedford Ave.
And to the person who thinks us Deadspinners just microwave burritos all the time - I guarantee I'm a better cook than you. So watch your mouth, sonny boy.
hmmm maybe its a williamsburg thing. some dude pissed in my bed. maybe the burg is a hotbed for scat play.
I was at a jazz competition in Williamsburg a couple years ago. Don't ask me why it was held there that year. The next year it got moved to Atlanta.
The Saturday Night "thing to do" in Williamsburg? Sit on your roof and watch the smog.
I only wish I was kidding.
There must be something Gawker and Deadspin have in common...Cory Lidle perhaps?
Smog? Dude, seriously. Take your clever moniker over to Idolator, where people might appreciate your musical perspective... and wait, you're a Deadspinner?
That guy has kitchen shitter written all over him.
How great would it be if this guy was like a cereal kitchen shitter and the NYPost had to cover it.
They would have stupid heads like:
'Mystery Dumper Strikes Again'
'Devious Defecator'
'Williamsburg Poop Bandit'
oops! I meant SERIAL. Alas, he probably had the bran cereal.
Narnia,
Some of us are only barbarians on the weekends.
What the hell's a Deadspinner? Actually, never mind - I already stopped caring.
I'll give someone $10 if they photoshop Jon Friedman into this image.
I would call that a Peace Movement.
Cereal?
I think we've found "the Mad Sh***er."
http://www.poopreport.com/Office/Content/madshitter.html
fivehole is an occasional deadspinner, sonny boy. and the five hole can cook. i've seen photos.
As for this Frank person who likes to poo in the kitchens of the ladies of Williamsburg in comparison to "deadspinners", I've shat on a kitchen floor or two in my day, but I look nothing like the man.
He probably only took the shit ironically.
Ever been at a party and "that person" and a friend "that person" met at Cocaine Anonymous show up and everyone feels sort of uncomfortable in the room so you and the host camp out in a bedroom for a couple of hours doing lines and pissing in bottles while waiting for "that person" to leave and refusing to leave the bedroom until you are convinced "that person" has left (thus the pissing in bottles bit)?
That's how I feel with the deadspinners around.
You know, we're all so quick to take this flyer at it's word... how do we know this isn't some psycho ex girlfriend or something? I wouldn't put it past those crazy Williamsburg biotches. Especially the ones who use 'peace' as a verb.
Then again, this guy totally looks like he would shit in a kitchen. Seek help dude.
It must be a trend--I hear someone did the same thing on stage at Royal Oak last week.
Since there's a general banning amnesty in effect right now, I'll just go ahead and say what everybody's thinking:
"Do hipsters shit in Williamsburg?" is the new "Do bears shit in the woods?"
Hooray, bear!
I once took a dump in the catbox at this party because the dude whose house it was was being a jerk.
Sure this beyotch complains about Sh*tty McSh*tster, but how much you wanna bet she's copped a squat many a time on Bedford Ave and then peaced...
1 word: amazing.
>> He probably only took the shit ironically. <<
When is finding human shit on the kitchen floor, not ironical?
When is finding human shit on your kitchen floor, not ironical?